Wednesday, January 30, 2013


("That's My Plan" by Steven Walters)

It is said that Shakespeare announced that “we are all actors and the world is our stage.”  How often do we hear words and they ring true but we just let them go by without investigation.  Do you like the saying?  Or does it scare you?  If you like it, do you believe it or just simply take it as an interesting idea?  If it scares you, is it the thought that you are not the one doing it, that brings up the fear?  For if you are the actor, who wrote the script and where are you going and what will you do?  Ever notice that you can make all the plans you want to, but rarely does it happen the way you think it will?  You go to bed the night before and have all these plans about how the day will play out and then upon waking none of them happen.

You are not in control.  Life is being lived through you.  You have been assigned a part and it is being played out beautifully no matter whether you like it or dislike it, the show goes on.  If you don’t believe this, see if you can stop it.  See if you can stop doing what you do.  All things that point to Truth can be investigated.  You don’t have to take someone’s word for it, all you have to do is see for yourself.

We are all used to Serve Life.  Your only role is actually to watch how you are used.  Eventually, as you begin to watch as opposed to “thinking” you are doing it, you will begin to be surprised by life.  It is actually working for you and everyone.  Most people don’t like the “thought” that they are being used, however, it happens in spite of one’s likes or dislikes.  The more comfortable you become with it the more enjoyable life becomes.  Because that old saying “what you resists persists” is not just a saying.  But as you begin to become Aware that you are not doing it…it creates a natural relaxation and then resistance goes down and you get to see what you do.  Most people “think” they know what they will do, they think they know everything that is going to happen and how they will react to it.  But it is not true, you don’t ever know what you will do until the moment arrives for you to do it.  So many times there has been the thought that “I” will do something or will not do something and the something “I” said I wouldn’t do, “I” did and the something “I” said “I” would do…didn’t happen.  Just begin to watch and wait and see what it is that you do or don’t do, don’t tell a story about it (or even if you do…don’t believe it so firmly).

We are all just playing our parts, we can be kind to one another while we do it, kindness comes from seeing that we are all doing the best that we can, how could we do any better than what we are doing, if we could, we would, we can only think we can do better and “better” is the enemy of good, because it is saying that the moment we are in isn’t good enough.  If there is to be a “better” it will come.

So back to being used, all things Serve.  Sometime we serve in ways that look helpful and sometimes we serve in ways that don’t look helpful, but just know that everything helps itSelf, no matter what it looks like.  There are so many examples but here are three that stick out for me.

One, my son Michael (Mikel) and I went to Disney World when he was 9, there was a ride there that was set up like a haunted house and you get in an elevator and it takes you up and then it drops you and things jump out at you on different floors and it was a big ride and probably very scary looking for a 9 year old.  He didn’t want to go on…he was very scared.  As a parent, I was aware that the ride would not hurt him (unless by some freak event), but I also know that he didn’t know that, I didn’t want him to become afraid of everything in life (that is what was coming up at the time…to push him…push him to do and see something that he was scared of, so that he would not be afraid) so I told him he was going on it and of course he said he wasn’t.  I told him I didn’t care if he ended up in therapy hating me for this…he was going on it (yes that does sound mean, but sometimes we need a kick in the ass to get past our fears).  I literally dragged him on the ride, it was not pleasant and it was embarrassing too, however something was pushing me to make sure this happened (there was not thinking about it…there wasn’t a plan that said if you do this … this will work out…it was just a gut Knowing to do it…to follow through).  We get on the ride…he is in tears…I tell him I will be with him and I will not let anything happen to him.  He had to trust that I have his best interest and would not do something to hurt him and so he got on the ride.  And we went down, fast … I was scared and things jumped out at us and we screamed.  But when we got off that ride he turned to me and said “Mom!  Let’s do it again!” :o)  Now it could have ended up a disaster but it didn’t and it led me to Trust deeper in myself that when my gut says to do something to do it…not because I know what the outcome will be…it is a deepening into not knowing and a deepening in Trust that one is led always by the Self.

Two, my son Tyler (Tman) was/is very athletic and I wanted him to play football because I knew he would like it.   He had played pop-warner when he was seven or eight and it was probably too soon and it intimidated him and we quit the team.  So when we moved to Yreka, I wanted him to give it a try again because something inside was saying it would be good for him that he would like it.  He signed up without much of an argument about it, but then there were some stories being told about how football was so rough and boys were getting really hurt (there are those risks) and so Tyler came home one day and said that he decided he didn’t want to play that he wasn’t going to.  I told him no way, we signed up and you give it two weeks and if after two weeks you hate it, then you can quit.  He was not happy about this and gave me quite a bit of guff about it, even had some parents contact me to tell me it wasn’t right that I was forcing him to play.  But for whatever reason (actually because it is not up to me) I stuck to my guns and made him go (just because I say this doesn’t mean it isn’t hard to do…it is hard to stick to something to stand by something, not hard in itself, but painful when you do not know if you are doing the right thing, you just have to stand in your own ground and have your fingers crossed (in a sense, in the beginning) that it will all work out and if it doesn’t it still will).  After two weeks…I didn’t hear a word of him quitting.  He loved football, became the Quarterback and though he took a long pause…finished his senior year on the MMA Leatherneck Football team!

The third, is a bit different, because it is not so solid and easy to explain, but it was almost 12 years ago now and I was driving from up here in Etna to Chandler AZ and as I was driving down the road, it was late at night and I was still a few hours away, a thought appeared that if I had a ring and I could use it to change anything I want from happening, would I use it.  Now you have to understand that this came as a very serious internal question, if it hadn’t it wouldn’t still be with me to this day.  I said no I would not use it, that I was willing for life to be how it is, that I would not want that power.

A few hours later I arrived where I was living at the time and one of my best friends Ethan met me and told me that Mark had died.  He had crashed his motorcycle in front of where we were living and he didn’t survive. Those two things linked for me for a very long time.  His death and my not changing anything and wondering if I actually could have.  Overtime, it has deepened something in me, he has been closer to me at times, than when he was living, this I cannot explain.  However, I still would not take the power, even to bring him back physically, because in his death he has revealed that he is HERE Always.  The ring would have been the boobie prize.

All this to say, things are the way they are, you can either sit back and enjoy the ride or panic and be scared that it isn’t going to go the way you want it to, either way the ride goes on.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013


“Sometimes it take a strong kick in the F*cking Ass to be Heard.”

(DISCLAIMER: The following blog post is not for the light-hearted, verbally and/or politically correct.)


Sit down and shut the f*ck up.  My mother raised me not to say the “f” word so I’m being kind on her account.  Shut the f*ck up.  That word “EM” above … in the title … that’s you EM (Ego Mind) the one that thinks it is reading this, the one that “thinks” it is in control.  It “thinks” that things have to or should be a certain way Fuck you “EM.”  It’s about time someone told you to sit down and shut the f*ck up cause you haven’t Heard and it shows.

This writing is coming to you now before it is too late to Hear.  So let’s talk about “EM” (Ego Mind) who you “think” you are … also known as the “I” thought.  How about you bring me some “I” thought … and while you are at it, take a piece of cloth … ball it up … and stick it in that f*cking “I” thoughts mouth you keep telling me you are.  You know the one that can’t do this or can’t do that or is so freaking awesome and wonderful that no one can do without you … that one … get ‘em and bring him over here so we can take a look at ‘em and see how he got so damn BIG when he doesn’t even exist.

Ok ladies, don’t get thrown by the word “he.”  We are all brothers from another mother here.  Can you Hear that?  The same that is in you, is in everyone and yet it appears that we are not because different mothers and fathers gave us life to be in this world, but before the world I AM and in that you Are.

The quickest way to prove this wrong is to prove that you exist, just bring that “I” thought here and if it can’t be proven that it doesn’t exist then you are right, but if it can proven that it doesn’t exist, then who you think you are doesn’t exist.  So make sure you are solid with knowing who you are before you come knocking, don’t bring any ghosts of a past that doesn’t exist and a future that hasn’t come.  You bring who you are right now and we’ll see what you are not.

You can always find EM … he usually has a lot of other EMs around him.  EM doesn’t like to be alone because then he has to face that he is all alone.  Notice how “EM” the one that likes to complain usually has a lot of company?  Have you been listening to bullshit stories of others that tell you how hard life is, how you just all can’t get along, how we have to fight to survive, have any of those kind around you.  You know why they are around you?  Because you are just like them.  You don’t want to give up your story of who you are to be who you are, you want the comfort of others who tell you who you are, even if you are sick and tired of hearing it, you stay rather than be alone.

When you get tired enough of the stories, you will begin to start calling people on their BS/stories/(lies) because you will have faced your own.  You cannot see in another what isn’t in yourself, you have done what it is that you are seeing or you are doing it now.  You can either join the crowd in all its misery or you can begin to step aside and see that the stories are lies. 

All stories are lies because they are not happening right now.  To be in the moment is to be in the Truth, but it cannot be talked about or shared, it can only be IN.  You will usually find those in the Present Moment with a smile on their face while others around are frowning and miserable.  The Present Moment is effortless, you don’t have to be any certain way and nothing has to change to be in IT (check right now just look around you what has to change to be in the Moment you are In?  Be Honest with yourself).  It is perfect unto itself.  But don’t tell that to the “frownies” who are looking at how horrible the past was and how awful the future will be (and they turn on the TV to show you how terrible it is now) because they can’t see the moment they are IN and it will only make them more crazy if you tell them they are in (Present Moment/Heaven) what they can’t See.

But for some of you … you are beginning to wake up and say … what have “I” been believing (look for the “I” (this is a repetitive step you don’t want to miss).  “I” have been telling myself a story of who I am and I have no idea who I am (are “you” the thoughts/stories? … if you are bring me a thought … bring me a story and prove it is true, how can you make a story “real?”).  And then others are telling me who I am … but if I don’t’ know who I am … then how can they possibly know who I am.  No one can tell you who you Are.  You must investigate for yourself.

If you need a bit of a refresher … check out “Clean Slate Revisited.” 

Yesterday on Facebook someone had removed their pictures and it was a reminder that we really are empty of ourselves, of our stories anytime that we just STOP and shut the f*ck up.  Really STOP.  Look for yourself.  In that quiet Stillness, who is there?  Who is looking out the eyes.

So this is your ASSKICKING for the day.  If you Hear it as it is meant to be Heard then smiles abound.


Monday, January 28, 2013

WORDS (Love)

Words and actions, words as action … words … only the meaning you give to them.  It’s been said that action is louder than words, really?  Have you ever read a book that changed your entire life?  Has someone said one word to you and your whole day change?  Recently someone just said two simple words “Empty Mind” and a whole Rap Song/Poetry appeared (the beats need work).  So words can create (seemingly) and inspire action.

Once spent some time attempting to teach people from other countries words from the English language through the dictionary.  It seemed like an impossible task.  Just about every word has more than one meaning and so attempting to explain to someone with “words” that the same word can have two (or more) different meanings made it very complicated to communicate.  This may have been the beginning of the spark that led to “no words speak the Heart.”  That actually the Heart Speak is before the words and what the words ride on and to pay attention to that.

How can one begin to see this?  Let’s take a saying that is said a lot (which is great it’s one of the best to say and truly is the only thing we are ever really saying both with words and without no matter how it appears in reality), “I love you.”

Ultimately you know, what Love is, whether you are aware of it or not, because you are IT.  However, this saying can be heard in many different ways because of the life experiences that we have and how covered over we become by those experiences. 

In this world if you say “I love you,” there usually are expectations around it, but that is not Love, that is “you love me and “I” will love you back.”  It is a game of give and take and if you don’t do what “I” want then “I” will not love you anymore.  That is not the Love that is being spoken of here.  The Love that is being spoken of, doesn’t change, doesn’t move, isn’t dependent on it’s return, it just IS.  It is willing to have the pleasure and the pain of Loving.  It knows the depths of the saying “There is Beauty in the Pain.” 

You will find that many of the greatest Artists, suffered the most tragedy (by this worlds standards) to create the Masterpieces that bring about the emotion of Love (in all its forms, which is all forms).  It is the willingness that when one loses in Love, they reap the reward of Love itSelf.

Now back to words.  Saying “I Love You” to someone is natural, we have made it into something possessive, but it is natural to Love.  Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you get to own them, it means you get to Love them.  Loving is the Gift not the person, the person is the Gift that you get to see Love through, but when you make it so that it is only that person, then you block the love that is all around you, and yet when you become aware that Love is not limited, it grows.

If you have children this is easy to see, if you have more than one even easier, when you have your first child you love them so much, there is nothing you would not do, then if you find you are having another child you may find the thoughts appear that say “How will “I” ever love another child as much as the one I already have?”, but after the child comes, you realize there is no limit to Love.  You don’t love one child more than another. 

This is how it is with everyone, not just your children, but Love grows like this with everyone.  The more willing you are to Love people, animals, life itself, the more it grows, you can Love everyone like you Love your children.  Just because one thinks something is impossible, doesn’t make it so. 

Recently took a class to learn about motorcylces and had to pick up a 700lb bike off the ground so that if it falls while being riden it can be picked up.  It seemed absolutely impossible, didn’t think there was anyway this massive bike would get picked up.  Slipped a few times and had to change shoes, then it still seemed too heavy but there was so much encouragement to do it, that it was kept on with.  Calmed down, laid back, and slowly eased the bike up with the lower back, took small steps one by one and then the bike was upright.  Had done it!  Didn’t think it could be done, but it was … next another woman made her attempt and she also said “no, no I can’t” and however since it happened for this one it was known that she could do it.  Started cheering her on … telling her what this one had done wrong the first time and to lay back relax and small steps.  She then did it too and we both shared that once we got past the thoughts that said “I” can’t” it happened.  Then we both were cheering the other women on which all of them also seemed to say “no “I” can’t first.” 

So this is how it is with Love.  You can Love, without expectation or return, you can Love when it seems there is no Love anywhere to be found and you can Love everyone, even the ones that hurt you, because you are Love.

(pic of one of the girls
 picking up the bike)

When my mother was dying, there was a moment right before she passed that there was a flash flood of all of our fighting, all of our disagreements, all of the wantings for the other to be some other way than how they are and then there was a Seeing, that we were always yelling “I Love You” even when the words out of the mouth said “hate” and all of the actions had come from Love, the fights had been “because” we loved each other so much and didn’t know how to help the other. 

How funny that … two people would fight even physically sometimes, because they Love one another so much.  But they did and they do.  That Gift that we were given before she died, left no doubt in this mind that she loved/Loves me completely. 

Everything was healed in that one instant.

Everything she had ever done in her life in regards to me and everyone else in her orbit came from Love.  And now it is known that it is this way for everyone, even though appearances make it look like it is something else.  

Love has no opposite.

This life changing event has deepened over time, it took quite a lot of years to process and now that it has, it doesn’t mean that there is still not hurt here when someone doesn’t return Love (even though they are but it doesn’t look like it) or when we are mean to each other or say things we don’t mean to hurt one another. 

Maybe now there will be a crack, where you are not so quick to do it - to lash out and hurt another, that when someone says or does something to you that causes you pain, you look at it from the eyes of Love … first and then react. 

However, don’t assume that if you act in a way that seems, unloving, that it isn’t still coming from Love, all things Serve. 

If someone treats you in what we call in this world “unlovingly,” they may just be giving you exactly what you need to experience “Love.” 

Remembering that we do not know what anything is for, while at the same time Knowing that it is all for Love, is what places the cracks in us so the Light can shine.

There are many techniques that can be used to avoid pain, there has usually been, from this one, a quick sarcastic remark or humor put in so that one doesn’t know that they have said something that hurt.  That pattern is now beginning to be seen, it is just an avoidance of the pain, so now, right now, there is pain that comes up and there doesn’t have to be a story placed upon it about something that happened in a past that no longer exists or a future that will not come.

Face the pain in this moment, which is the only moment one ever is in (check it for yourself, you can’t be out of the moment you are in, it is constant), be willing for the pain to arise, and with no story about it, sit and as you sit you begin to feel and what you feel … what the pain covers over … is Love.  Take the pain to the core of your Being and you will find the Gift that is there waiting for You.