Saturday, March 31, 2012


This morning the thought appeared "there is no you."  Took a look and was like wow … yes there is emptiness here and was able to see something that is being pointed too.  As a kid two things seemed very strange to me that everyone else agreed was absolutely real.  One is "time" and the other are "words." With a child's mind everything is much more simple and the simplicity pointed to the obviousness that both "time" and "words" were man-made.  From that realization it has formed to what can now be shared (seemingly) many, many years later with a more educated way of saying it (though not much more,  heh).

So, what was seen is that if one said the word "car" (was in one at the time) over an over again … it begins to lose it's meaning.  Without knowing it's meaning it could have meant anything …  as long as someone else agreed that whatever it was named it is what it is … however … and … just because something is "named" doesn't make it what the name is  (like humans).  That was what was revealed about words … the seeing that they are only "real" because we agree with others that certain sounds represent what we see with our eyes.

Then there was time … this took more time (heh) to grasp.  It was actually more of a wondering of "how could time be real?"   This image appeared of just space (not even that really) but just this vast Emptiness and then a grid is laid upon that Emptiness and it is called "time" but there really is no "time" or another way of saying it is … it is only and forever  Now.  

Time (the grid) is just another man-made thing that we all have agreed upon.  So "time"  is the grid that is laid on Emptiness/Space ... that drove the investigation even deeper.  A question arose "what is the universe laid on? ... what is behind the universe?"  Well the Gift was/is received and there is no word for what was/is Revealed ... could call it … Light or Energy, Brightness,  Emptiness, Space, Stillness (see picture above for vague concept the yellow is the backdrop or the screen that all appears on)...but it's not really that … what is before time and before words and before bodies and before the Universe and is right Now forever Now … it is Everything and everything is in IT … it animates everything and yet is not an IT (obsoletely indescribable).

So that created a bit of a freak out for a good 10 years … with bouts of paranoia that still arise (don't underestimate the power of beliefs).  However, the Universe and Time (don't say this to a scientist that hasn't dug all the way through) do not actually exist.  Which brings us back to the original thought that appeared this morning "there is no you."

Thoughts are just like the grid above and like words, they aren't actually there … go ahead and look for a thought … see if you can make one appear ... perhaps they are just echoes in "time."  (Cosmic Joke.)

Most things that are written here on this site/blog you will have to investigate for yourself.  All these hands can do is type and point ... but no one could have looked for me (well actually there was no one that actually looked) ... but that is a bit advanced in unlearning … until you begin to see that you have believed in something that isn't ... just like Santa Claus.

Most people would not find any of this helpful … but one will.   ;o)

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Being Alone.

Up until the last week, I have not been physically alone in life.  I went from my parents and siblings to a husband and children, with no time where I lived alone or really had any time alone.  Recently, I've been given some alone completely was a squence of events I suppose...looking back. 

About 2 weeks ago, I stopped verbally speaking...then I went on a short fast (no food) and cleared our home out of just about everything there is to eat that had any chemicals or additives including all bathroom then home was really empty not only of people but of "stuff." Slowing I moved all clothing out and am widdling away at all the nicknacks collected.  It has been a pretty intense time.  Not many distractions although much being done. 

What has been that I am never alone.  I mean I have known that for a long time (used to make me feel paranoid)...but now in a different in Being Alone...I find that I am not alone.  Actually, I don't exit.  I mean the "I" that I think I am...doesn't exist...doing keeps happening whether I think there is a me (and even that is not me) doing it.  It doesn't mean I haven't been when the storms were coming and the wind was blowing and it was dark and creepy and when the water pipe broke and snow was falling and spent over a week turning the water pump on and off to do dishes and bath until the plumber came.  Or the fear of not having food, as I live rural and haven't been driving and wondering how food was going to get here (a week in and it dawned that you can order many lovely things through Amazon (Prime even better cause it's free shipping).

So I am alone and simoutaneously not Alone and in this finding was a pharse that appeared..."there is no "I" in You."

Again nothing to learn...always been this way...always Is.  Time to get the mail.



There's been quite alot coming up today...I'll get it written down as it comes...I was thinking about journaling.  I have done it pretty much all my life in one way or another...I've always loved to write and I also love the intimacy I have felt when writing to myself.  I used to write in code when I was younger so that no one would figure it out and I could say what I truly felt about anything.  My earliest journal that I have kept is from when I was 15 years it's kind of nice to have it to go back to and if you have children then I would suggest you suggesting to them to journal.

So what brought this up was...last month I was feeling pretty low and I popped open a journal from like 1999 to 2004 and just sat up real late reading it and I was shocked...there was a time that I just sort of free flowed writing...if you are familiar with Neale Donald Walsh (he wrote the Conversations with God series) I was reading him back in the early 2000s cause he was saying at the time the same things that were (or similar) coming through my "Talks" with myself...I would write a question and then the answer would just be there.  Well what a treat to read what was written back ... it made me realize there is no "time" (which I have another post brewing on that thought).  I really got to see that I have always been taken care of ... in fact there is no "I" to take care of and what I was reading reiterated that and pointed me back to what is beyond and before the thought "I."

So if you feel like unlearning ... to who you Are.  Grab a pad, go some place quiet, maybe lite a candle and some incense to warm you up and just write whatever comes can even do it on the computer but I would recommend that you sit with a journal without electronics and just let your hand write what it would like to share...sort of like "Hugo" if you have seen the's like your hand is just waiting for the key (pen) to share everything with you.  You don't ever have to share it with anyone, although someday you might want to...who knows ;o)

One of the first real questions that began the unduing of who I think I am ... was writting down the question, "Who am I?" and watching as it was all taken away...everything that I thought I was...because anything that I thought I was...could be taken away.