(Photo taken from Christa's Blog)
2:31AM - Woke up this morning in a painful panic and with a burn on my arm, I think it is from Tony’s Joyster’s Bracelet (Side Note: Just because you are a Clean Slate, does not mean that there are not consequences to actions in this world, do not look to this world for proof of who you Are.) rubbing back and forth (I probably shouldn’t have slept in it) and the song “They don’t want to see me Shine.” (Side Note: When you hear a song like this, know that everything that appears comes as a gift, everything, even what one might call haters are a gift, there wouldn't be this song without them. Everything comes to Serve Awakening.) So I will call at 3am (done) to get the internet back up.
So I was feeling sort of panic’d and sad and scared like who would want someone like me … and again the whole story of how my whole family doesn’t like me blah blah blah. And then I saw something I hadn’t before and maybe I wouldn’t have if Thomas hadn’t just recently said “I don’t believe in your clean slate.” And I have been looking at that … do I? And then this morning I saw it. No one can give you a clean slate…you are a clean slate. How can someone give you what you Are? SMILE! LIGHT BULB.
I am. You Are. In between I am/you Are ... A Clean Slate. If you are waiting for someone to give it to you, you cannot see that you are IT. You are brand new each moment. You don’t have to believe it to be it, just see it, see the empty clean slate that this life is lived from. Thoughts may come … like they did here and say that you are all kinds of things, good things, bad things, but they just fall away when you see what they are written on. Each moment you are gifted the opportunity of a blank clean slate. Let whatever comes … come and then watch as it just slides off the Emptiness that is you. An Empty Clean Slate. The only way you can see this is to stop creating yourself with stories that say you are not a Clean Slate.
When Wayneji said those things to me yesterday if felt like they were sticking on me. That they were true. That they would be believed. But it was me that was believing it was true, I don’t know about anyone else, but I was beginning to believe the words were true and then I saw, not even Wayneji can give me a Clean Slate, it is not waiting on the approval of another, it is just Seeing that it already IS. You cannot be given what you already Are. Even if someone comes to you and offers you a Clean Slate you still have to be the one to See that it IS for you. Once you see it for yourself…then you can offer it…because you aren’t offering it “from you” you are pointing one to what is already There/Here for everyone.
It is amazing the darkness that comes before the dawn.
What a precious gift, there is a great appreciation here for the negativity that shows up and continues to push or open one up to what it is In. It’s not usually the good times that makes one stop and see what is really going on. It’s when you are afraid, or when you have doubts, or when everyone leaves or when the chips are down, or your flat broke or sad and depressed. Those are the times (seemingly) when the most is seen, because you are willing and open to begin to see things another way.
When things are great…who wants to See? No one wants to See when times are good and going smoothly. It’s when we are sick and feeling lost that we call on the Self (God, Love, Light, Whatever you call the Self) and listen the most clearly. We call because we know it is There/Here.
Funny how one will be on their hands and knees when the chips are down claiming to believe, but when the light comes on, they jump up and pretend they had not been there. How often I have done this, yet right now it seems so obvious, that it is not about what anyone else thinks or says about you, others may come, the world may come to test and see if you Truly Know who you Are. This is a Gift, because each one comes to push you deeper into Knowing. Not believing or wanting…but actually Knowing, without proof that you are the Clean Slate that everything is written upon and only you can see it for yourself. So be thankful for all that comes to clean your windows, so that you can See.