THINKING ...

My Teacher used to say to me “And that’s a thought.”  When I would come to him with all these thoughts that seemed so important and it would stun me momentarily.  Sometimes I would wonder how he could say that to the important information that was going to impact my life and the lives around me and he could be so calm and although he would listen to my plight, he would eventually again point to me and say “And that’s a thought too.”  And he would smile and I would frown and stomp away wondering “what have I done wrong that I don’t see” (not seeing that that was just a thought too). 

He did this for many years, I would come to him again and again with problem after problem and in his infinite patience, he would listen or he would do whatever the moment called for which sometimes was a scolding or a praise, there was not a time, even to this day that I could predict what he would/will do, but that is another of His Great Teachings.  Many times I would go thinking I would get a praising, only to hear I had done something wrong, and then other times thinking I would get the scolding of my life, only to find him praising me for something I had done.  This over time became the blessed teaching of “not knowing.”  

Which leads to the title of today “Thinking.”  Thinking is knowing, even if you don’t know ... you think you can know by thinking.  But thinking is not real…it is not part of reality.  See these words come on the screen by the fingers not by thinking.  This is not always easy for one to see, for like I shared above, I knocked on my Teachers door with question after question and problem after problem, until one day the draw to Stillness became the Answer.  Even in moments now there is “thinking” and there is thinking that there was/is an answer and there is …but the answer is in Stillness/Silence. 

Now that can be even more infuriating to the mind that wishes to know reasons and answers for all things … to hear that they are all answered in Stillness, is to negate the “mind/thoughts.”  Again it all boils down to a frown or a smile, sometimes even a laugh or a punch in the face…depends on how serious one is in knowing answers. 

Since life is just happening and all you get to do is watch it, then living with unanswered questions is actually the gift.  To let things be as they are and watch as them appear is the gift and the answers do come, not in your time or your way, but naturally they appear.  Recently, a Friend of mine said she stays informed on my life through the writings I send her, and I wrote that I was annoyed because how do I stay informed on her life when I don’t receive any writings from her.  Then lo’ and behold, she appears on the street the very next day sharing with me what is going on in her life.  (((Smiles)))

Be willing to be surprised.  I know sometimes it doesn’t seem easy to do … especially since the thoughts usually say you know what is going to happen and it’s not going to be good.  But see how silly it is to think that you know the answer and that the answer “isn’t going to be good” wouldn’t it just be better to wait and see ... if the alternative is shitty anyway :o)

All you have to do is look at that your life has worked out perfectly this far, you are reading this right now and all is well right :o)  Even if you are thinking it is not LOL!

FROM THE INSIDE...

You are being called from the inside.  

If you close your eyes and relax the mind, and let go of what you think you know about yourself, you may begin to experience something that has been with you always and will be with you until the end of your days.  It has been calling to you to know it.  

It is a quiet patient calling and it is timeless and endless.  

To answer this call, one only need to begin to quiet themselves.  This is done by just Stopping.  In any moment, like this one right now, just Stop.  Simply Stop.  In this Stopping you will see something that is overlooked in all the “doing” of the world.  It is the Peace that everyone is searching for but cannot find because they seek it “out there” in the world.  All the while it has been and is always Right Here, waiting for you to Stop.  

It can be accepted in any moment you find yourself in…you just simply Stop.  Everything.  In one instant you are Gifted everything that one searches for … for completion in Life.  To realize that one is already complete.  No one can give it to you.  You must be willing to begin to Stop, when things are crazy and spinning around you, just Stop.  Everything.  

Just for a moment Stop and these “Stoppings/Pauses” will become more and more frequent and then you will begin to be the Center of the storm.  Things will come to you because you are focused on Peace,  on what doesn’t Move, in a world of movement.  Because what you are focused on is not in this world, it is what the world is in.

Namaste.

MEDITATION ...

(Have a Sacred Space)

This morning during Meditation, what came up was to speak about "Meditation" as it has been one of the greatest gifts in quieting the "monkey mind" that goes on throughout ones day.  Prior to Meditation, there was nothing but the "monkey mind", one thought chasing another thought, linking to another thought, following another thought.

It seemed that Meditation appeared in stages, first there was a driving Meditation with a cassette tape my mother gave me called "The Infinite Self" by Stewart Wilde, which shared the story of his life, the undertaking of quieting the mind, his Teachers and his discipline, then at the end of the 12th tape there is a recording of the Theta-Metronome.  I would put this in the car on my drive to school and would listen to him share things that were both hard to believe but absolutely believable and so the first taste of Meditation was in the car.  On his recommendation to do something pointless, which was to get up every morning and take a rock (the same rock) and move it from one side of the yard to the other.  I had two young children at the time, and it was tough at first getting up so early (when I could be sleeping in) but I did...I got up and I went to the backyard each day (feeling quite dumb about it actually, but believing in him) would move the rock from one side of the yard (slowly) to the other.  I don't recall how long I did this, however it made an impact.  There was something about doing something, with no benefit, other than the doing, that shifted something in this mind.

The second taste of Meditation was through Unity Church.  My mother was a member and although there was not ever much of a draw to be at church there was something different about this one.  I was 22 at the time and a bit of a rebel and so some Sundays I would go completely hung over, and I knew that people there knew...but they didn't judge me and I could feel that they weren't and this created a willingness to be there...however I was there and so I continued to show up.  Each Sunday  Rev. Al (cannot remember his last name right now) would start with a 5 minute silent Meditation.  In the beginning it was the longest 5 minutes of my life.  Either the thoughts were racing and it was like hell or the time would go so slow like when you would look at the clock on the wall during the last minutes of school.  But eventually it started to become something I looked forward to when going there.  It became the only 5 minutes of Peace I would have each week, though I didn't know that at the time.

The third and lasting introduction into Meditation came through my Teacher.  I had had an unexplainably intense experience, actually beyond all experience during a Meditation that scared and depressed me so much that I had become afraid of Meditation, I could not understand what had been Revealed and went on years of searching for answers, until my Teacher appeared.  It didn't happen overnight, I was very resistant to Meditation for years after our Meeting.  He opened a room every morning through Yahoo Messenger and many would sit with him.  I was not a regular for a long time.  But He and Meditation eventually won and I began getting up every morning sometime between 4:30 and 5am and I would log in and sit with myTeacher and the others who had also come to sit together.  This went on for many, many years.  I will not lie and say it was an easy undertaking.  It is a discipline that at first, at least for this one, was quite challenging.  There would be physical pains in the back and legs, there would be thoughts of fear or of having more important things to do.  But over time and consistency and through the commitment Meditation and being with myTeacher each day, that it continued on.

The commitment in the beginning was to a 1/2 hour every day from 5 to 5:30am.  To not move.  To let the thoughts be there without trying to fix or change them.  To sit through the beautiful thoughts, the ugly thoughts, the good one, the bad ones, the ones that say do this and do that and not move.  I will not tell you that Meditation will give you anything, but it will take things away, things you didn't know you had or were holding onto.  This can be good news or bad news depending on what you want to keep.  For this one, it has been one of the Greatest Gifts life has provided and life is becoming a more conscious Living Meditation every moment that I am in.  I still set aside time for Meditation 3 times a day.  It is always a different experience.  I have not once had a Meditation that was like any other prior.  Then after that 1/2 hour there would be a Speaking, generally by myTeacher and all would remain silent, with their mics off, and then if there was a question they would type it in.  Here is an edited clip of one of those Speakings called "Screen of Self."

So this came up for me today to share, because it has shifted things so dramatically (through no drama) in this life, that I would like to offer it to anyone and everyone that is willing to begin to lay the mind aside, to Realize what the mind is IN. 

If you are willing, find a quiet place, make it your sacred place and set aside a certain amount of time each day and commit to being there, like the mailman, rain or shine, it is your priority.  You may wish to have a picture of your Teacher or of something that calms you, light a candle in front of it before you begin, have a slight stretch and if you like incense, slowly smell it before lighting it and then sit back and let what comes, come and don't move ... it is all to clear you of who you think you are (thoughts), to Reveal to you ... who you Are (before thought).

I am at Meditation every morning at 5 to 5:30am, feel free to join me, you do not have to be in one's physical presence to be there.  If you would like to let me know that you are there, I would love to hear from you.

FEAR OF FEAR

(Click for Blog Post on Pros and Cons of Fear)

This morning it seems to be coming up to write about Fear.  Upon waking there was a great fear of being cold, of everyone in the building leaving and not being able to afford the electric to provide the heat, it was freezing.  This fear of cold continues to come up, and it has been shared that the only way to face fear is to face it, in the willingness to face it something appeared.  What appeared was that there was not cold in the moment that the fear was arising.  There was only a fear of cold, yet the body was actually sweating from the hot water bottle that I slept with.  This obviousness, of there not actually being cold, was overlooked because of the fear “thoughts” about being cold.  And “thoughts” breed/feed other “thoughts” because many stories about being cold appeared, but none of them were actually happening and this is where the Gift appeared.  There was not actual “Fear” because actual “Fear” shows up when something is actually happening…like you are being attacked by a mountain lion or being chased by someone, then actual fear will arise to help you in the situation, but what arose this morning was not actual “Fear” it was fear of Fear (one step removed from actual fear and therefore, not real).

There is a saying “There is nothing to fear but fear itself.”  And that can be overlooked because thoughts can seem very real…like they are actually happening or will happen.  So it takes a great deal of honesty to look around you and see that it isn’t happening.  Take any thought of fear that comes up at any time, whether it is fear of losing a job or a relationship or friendship or that you can’t afford something or whatever the fear is that appears before you and then take an honest look around you, is the fear actual (is it right in front of you) or is it imagined (about the past or the future).  Do you have everything you need (not want but need) to be in the moment you are in?  If the fear is about the past, then it is not in your present moment so it cannot be real, and if it is about the future, then it is not in your present moment and cannot be real. 

What is in your present moment?  Just look around … right here right now, I am in the kitchen, where it is warm the walls have recently been painted and look clean and pretty, Pete my dog is sleeping on the floor snoring away and these hands are typing what is being seen, that is all that is actually going on so any thoughts outside of that, are lies, they are not happening.

Another way of quickly facing the fear that comes, especially when it is something more direct and not so easy to disprove, like say it is a fear that you are not good enough.  Admitting that you do not know if you are, is one of the quickest ways that fear disappears, not that you don't know if you are and trying to find a way to get better or be worse, but to not know and be willing to find out, not through trying to find out, but by waiting to see how life plays out.  Saying Yes, I may be the worst or I may be the best, but I don't truly know (then be willing to find out ... allow Life show you who you Are).

Fear of fear can drain one of their energy and place them in a state of panic and worry and discontent.  All these things will quickly dissipate with the honest look at what is actually happening and not what is imagined to be happening.  Check it out … the next time fear shows up for you … don’t move/react … face it honestly.  :o)

Fear of Fear is learned, a thought of the past or future and is therefore, not real.  Actual fear is instinctual, primal and appears in the present moment to protect the body for survival.