Saturday, April 14, 2012


I thought it was kind of funny when I went to look for a picture for the title of this post that it pulled up this image above, although I just found out it's in it's 3rd season (The show "Who Do You Think You Are NBC.)  I hadn't heard of the show until just now or at least hadn't paid it any mind and so it was kind of neat that I got to take a look at where it was our ancestry.  I haven't spent much time investigating mine...I've always been much more interested in what cannot be explained than what can be and ancestry to me...well it seemed that people had put too much stock into where they have come from before looking to see who is in the shell.  Like...if you look at the body like a car then if you are let's say "Irish" then we could say you are a  Volvo and if you are Japanese then you are a Toyota and if you are German then you are a Mercedes but if you see what I am getting doesn't matter what Ancestry you come from … you are not the car/Ancestry (however, I don't discredit it this probably has a lot to do with how your personality is...because of Ancestry and makes a pattern for the car/body you are driving in...but it is not who you Are.

Which leads me to what was coming up today.  I was looking at the thought "who do you think you are?"

Where do I get off saying and doing the things that I say and do?  Cause I used to be so scared of who I am...I thought I really knew who was driving this car.  I used to think "I know who I am." 

I used to be so certain of what I am like and what I will be and what I will do.  And then about 20 years ago, geez thank god for patience...if I hadn't been in it, it might have seemed like a really long time...but I was immersed in those 20 years and now I am looking back and they don't seem so long, so about 20 years ago the question "Who am I?" appeared.  And it is obviously appearing for you too or you wouldn't be reading this so hang in there if you are beginning to question yourself...your in the right place or you wouldn't be here. 

So … I'm about 23 years old, at that time and finding myself in a similar situation to the one I find myself in today and I am beginning to wonder who I am (back then it was a question I was looking for the answer too and now it is a question that points to what is beyond any words or thoughts or beliefs or ideas, but this is 20 years later so I digress). 

Back to 23, I had been told for so long who I am...that I am a girl, a child, an adult, that I am a mother, that I am a body, a woman, a worker, that I am what I do and I am what I think, that I am my name, I am a product of the experiences that happened in this life, I am American, I am Indian I am Irish and German...but I was starting to see that all those things could be taken away.  If the body dies...then who am I … if I am not the body...then who am I? 

So shortly after that a book called "A Course In Miracles" entered my life and I read and studied it and did the lessons for years and still this longing to know this answer because the whole Course in Miracles evolved around an "I."  And so "I" got built up to something that was getting somewhere...until one day...I met my Teacher and he pulled the carpet out from under me...all that "I" had become from ACIM was smashed very quickly and it was a terrible time...some pretty all time lows because "I" couldn't understand that "I" wasn't. 

"I" thought I was going to be enlightened...the "I" that "I" had created would be enlightened...but if I wasn't that "I" then who am I?  If I am not who I think I am, who people say I am … "who is running this ship."

 If I am not who I think I am...than Who am I?  <---Back to square one.  (Actually less than one but the mind cannot imagine can Know it which is beyond the mind, but the mind/thoughts don't believe that there is really something bigger than it...something that it is in...immersed a fish in a doesn't know that it is in don't know what you are in but you are in It.)

This question would not leave me and my Teacher began to reinforce the Pointing that "I am not who I think I am."  And so I spent the next 12 years looking at the thoughts and somehow knowing they were not "me" but still believing they were.

So it has only started becoming more and more obvious and surrender just the briefest of moments there is a stopping and an awareness of beyond thought and acceptance of  not knowing who I am and not trying to know or understand anything...there is an instantaneous rest when one stops trying to know who they are and just let's go.

It has been a long road to be where I am...which is exactly where I have always been but it looked like I took a long way to get has just been the unlearning instead of wiping out the whole computer at once...each program was removed to see that there is no actual operating system there is just operating. 

See you will begin to see that you just do what you do...there is no "you" doing it.  You get to begin to relax because "not existing" is no longer frightening.  You become okay with not knowing because you know that you haven't been doing any of it ever and what has been doing it...has taken care of you (<---humor me since there is no me or you just accept that words have to be used to Point to what cannot be spoken).

So you might say … well then who are you talking to...well I am talking to myself just like I always have...I use the body, nature, universe...all of it to reveal the Self to myself.  When you are all alone, that is all you can do and there are infinite ways to do think that you are separate from me so that I can talk with you...if you knew we weren't separate then there would be no need to communicate in this fashion.  But you do know that we are not separate, even if you deny it...otherwise you wouldn't be able to type or read this.  I am always here caring for you as you are for and receiving are the same and I can only give you what you are willing to receive.

If you ever want to watch some good movies that are just a few off the top of my head:

Okay, time for reading :o)

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