REJECTION

"REJECTION"

April 6, 2013

Everyone likes the “good” feelings, but the ones that are not so good “feeling” like rejection are quickly moved away from (if not by most than at least it has been the experience here) that when a feeling that isn’t labeled as “good” appears - there is a moving (in a sense) away from it.  

Lately, however, the focus has been on “staying a little longer in the un-comfortableness.”

Rejection is usually something that makes one move away from the un-comfortableness.  It seems heart-breaking to be rejected right?  Like when the feeling of rejection comes up, it is as if it is a personal attack on the character, that we aren’t good enough or what we are so proud of isn’t good enough, some variation of not good enough.  However, rejection also comes to serve as a great gift, if one allows it.  Nothing teaches quicker than a broken heart and the deepest teaching comes not from attempting to repair it, but allowing it to be broken.  And rejection can be a darn good heart-breaker.  

Not fixing a broken heart goes against the grain of conditioning to do that, however the grain of conditioning is one of making a hard shell so that one doesn’t get hurt, where as, allowing the heart break of rejection and disappointment, keeps the heart open and raw - Alive.  Yes, it is tender and yes it does hurt for some time, but it is Alive, it is not hardened in a box and dead, afraid of what might come and attack its fortress.

Rejection also reveals the depth of an attachment to something.  The more rejection stings, the more you are able to see that you are holding on to something and that may not be serving to hold on to.  Maybe you are holding on to a belief that isn’t serving you, a person, a product or a dogma.  

If you are really fully Alive - in Love with something (beyond belief or proof), then rejection has very little power.  But if you are doubtful or not sure of something and someone rejects what you come to them with, then it or you - will fall apart.  

If what you are coming towards one with is fully Alive in you, without doubt, without question, than rejection doesn’t mean anything.  You are not out to prove anything, you are just being how you are being and bringing that into the world and if it is accepted great and if not - that is okay too.

Recently, a rejection made something more obvious, something that has many times been overlooked – however,  rejection allowed for the possibility to see it in another way.  There is an example called “Finger Waving” from a book called “The Primer” by Wayne Austin.  It speaks about when the attention is placed on the object over what the object is in.  Let’s use the domain of Truth, if one were attempting to convince another that they are IN Truth and the person hearing it didn’t believe what was being said, and rejected it as a possibility, but the one that was sharing it was not grounded (in a sense) in their Knowing, they may attempt to go on to convince the other that it is true.  However, one that Knows that it is True, is not attempting to convince anyone of how things Are, that would be silly  They have the attention not on the finger (person or rejection) but on what it all appears IN and in that there is no one to convince of anything or reject or take personal.  

It has taken a long, long time for the Knowing of the “finger waving” to appear.  For a long time, there were just attempts to understand it and waving the finger in front of the face and why wont this work, what is being pointed too?  However, once you grasp that the finger is in IT (where you are pointed) and that the gaze can be placed upon THAT which the finger is in - in any moment; then the world is seen as the finger.  The universe is the finger.  Anything that can be experienced is the finger waving, distracting from what all of that appears IN.  

The attention can easily, once it is Seen, can be trained to be placed upon what all that (finger, world, universe, movement) appears IN.  It doesn’t mean that rejection still wont hurt; but it is allowed to hurt, for one is willing to be hurt, because the attention is placed on what “hurt” appears IN.

“Be willing to have your heart broken, again and again and again.”  

~Wayne Austin

"There is no "I" in You."

DO NOT CARE WHAT YOU THINK.

DO NOT CARE WHAT YOU “THINK”

This can be radical to the way we have been taught to be in the world; to not care about thoughts in a world where what we “think” is given so much importance.  If someone were to come up to you and say “I don’t care what you think” you might become offended as if it is a personal attack and yet … you are not what you “think” and we are going to take a look at how this is possible.

Let’s use the thought “I am wonderful.”  First, do you have any idea where it came from?  If you do not know where it came from then how can you take it personal if someone else doesn’t “care” about it.  You cannot be the thought “I am wonderful” if you didn’t create it, but was only aware of it.  Now, if you can slow down enough to put the attention onto what is “Aware” of the thought “I am wonderful” you can you begin to see something here that you didn’t before.  You can see that if you are Aware of the thought, you cannot actually be the thought.

You may now see that you are not the thought “I am wonderful” and since you aren’t sure where it came from … let’s come from the Awareness of the thought and look at the thought itself “I am wonderful.”  Who is the “I?”  If one is not the thought, but one is Aware of the thought, who is the “I” referring too?

The more this is looked at … the less power the thought “I” has in making you believe that you are what can be thought.  If the thought “I” is seen as false then the word “Who” becomes revealing.  The thought “who?” does not need you to care about it; the thought “I” does.  “Who?” clears the thoughts to the revealing of what is Aware of the thoughts.  “I” creates a sense of an individual and separateness from what is Aware of the thought “I.”  

All thoughts that come can either be clung to by keeping the “I” thought as real or dissipated by replacing “I” with “Who?” which clears all thoughts and leaves only the Awareness of what is actually happening.

For today, do not care about what is thought.  Watch them come and watch them go.  When you see a thought that says “I am so wonderful” question “who” to that “I” not expecting an answer, just as a referencing back onto the thought itself.  “Who is so wonderful?”  “I am.”  “Who am I?”  Let the circle be there, the circle leads one to discover that it cannot be understood; it has to be left alone.  This is where the watching/Witnessing comes in, you simply watch all of the thoughts come and go and if you are believing a thought is real, question it with “who?”  To whom do these thoughts come?  The impetus at first will always be to say “I/me” but you are not a thought “I/me” so use it as another opportunity to drop the thought “I/me” and be empty in “who?”  Eventually, it will apparent and when someone says to you, “I don’t care what you think,” you will agree.  :o)

Namaste.

SILENCE (MEDITATION)

February 16, 2013

One of the things that can be rare in this world is being Silent.  It used to be more common, there were longer pauses between words in conversations and the movies of old had fewer words, more innuendos. 

Though drawn to things that are of a quieter nature, that doesn’t mean that there is internal quiet.  Many times there is such gratitude that will arise for having designated times for Meditation.  Without Meditation there would be few stops/pauses during the day to put the attention on Silence/Stillness.  It is not that it isn’t always there, it is, however; the attention will be on what is going on in the world, schoolwork, thoughts about everything and anything under the sun.  And then there is a stopping that comes with Meditation, things slow down and the attention is drawn towards what doesn’t move.  The things of the world, all the problems seem to fall to the side and are not important.  As one arises from Meditation, those things re-appear yet don’t have the energy or strong pull towards them that was there prior to Meditation.

Recently, things have gotten busier, especially this week.  Yesterday a neighbor offered up a ride on his dirt bike.  We left shortly before Meditation time and when we got to the back roads it was time to sit.  Mentioned that there would be no speaking during the next half hour.  Usually, it is looked at with a strange sort of “umm ok?”  Which it was and so off on the bike we went.  There is a gift in Silence that unless one checks it out, cannot be shared. 

A Red-Tailed (Chicken Hawk) Hawk flew directly over us; which was amazing and the trees were brilliant, and the smells of Spring were in the air, there was the sounds of water running from the creek and the sky was brilliantly blue.  There were moments of fear/excitement that would arise from the sense of not having control.  The bike slid on some ice and we fell and since we were going slow, there are just bruises, but there was no ability to complain and without outward complaining, inward complaining doesn’t last long.

We dust ourselves off and picked up the bike and sat and ate some lunch.  There was listening to the stories that were shared and watching as the food is eaten and there is a sense of ease with not speaking that is not there when one is thinking of what it is they would be saying.  It is just listening and experiencing what is actually going on.

Though the preference here is to sit Silently (to not be active during a designated Mediation time), one does not have to sit somewhere alone to be Silent, you can set aside a time, at anytime to do it.  Though I would suggest that one set aside the time to sit silently in Meditation as a way to begin quieting the mind and then move into a “walking or active” Meditation, only because the impetus to speak will be very strong in the beginning and so it is best for one to begin to sit quietly with eyes closed and allow all distractions to be there and to sit in spite of the distractions.

Many times when people are around during Meditation time, they think that they must be quiet, but that is not the case, the noise is welcome, because where the attention is … is Stillness/Silence and so all noises and activity around are welcomed in it.  If you demand that the world be a certain way for you to sit in Meditation, you will not ever sit in Meditation. 

You just sit, Silently, sit and watch until the thoughts and activities exhaust themselves.

Ultimately, one will find that all of their life is in Silence/Stillness/Meditation, yet this isn’t seen while the attention is on the thoughts, actions.  So first things first … one leads into the other.

JUST PLAYIN' - THE PART

January 30, 2013

It is said that Shakespeare announced that “we are all actors and the world is our stage.”  How often to we hear words and they ring true but we just let them go by without investigation.  Do you like the saying?  Or does it scare you?  If you like it, do you believe it or just simply take it as an interesting idea?  If it scares you, is it the thought that you are not the one doing it, that brings up the fear?  For if you are the actor, who wrote the script and where are you going and what will you do?  Ever notice that you can make all the plans you want to, but rarely does it happen the way you think it will?  You go to bed the night before and have all these plans about how the day will play out and then upon waking none of them happen.

You are not in control.

Life is being lived through you.  You have been assigned a part and it is being played out beautifully no matter whether you like it or dislike it, the show goes on.  If you don’t believe this, see if you can stop it.  See if you can stop doing what you do.  All things that point to Truth can be investigated.  You don’t have to take someone’s word for it, all you have to do is see for yourself.

We are all used to Serve Life.  Your only role is actually to watch/Witness how you are used. 

Eventually, as you begin to watch/Witness as opposed to “thinking” you are doing it, you will begin to be surprised by life.  It is actually working for you and everyone. 

Most people don’t like the “thought” that they are being used, however, it happens in spite of one’s likes or dislikes. 

The more comfortable you become with it the more enjoyable life becomes.  Because that old saying “what you resists persists” is not just a saying.  As you begin to become Aware that you are not doing it … it creates a natural relaxation and then resistance goes down and you get to see what is done. 

Most people “think” they know what they will do, they think they know everything that is going to happen and how they will react to it.  But it is not true, you don’t ever know what you will do until the moment arrives for you to do it.  So many times there has been the thought that “I” will do something or will not do something and the something “I” said I wouldn’t do, “I” did and the something “I” said “I” would do … didn’t happen. 

Just begin to watch and wait and see what it is that you do or don’t do, don’t tell a story about it (or even if you do … don’t believe it so firmly).

We are all just playing our parts, we can be kind to one another while we do it, kindness comes from seeing that we are all doing the best that we can, how could we do any better than what we are doing, if we could, we would, we can only think we can do better and “better” is the enemy of good, because it is saying that the moment we are in isn’t good enough.  If there is to be a “better” it will come.

So back to being used, all things Serve.  Sometimes we serve in ways that look helpful and sometimes we serve in ways that don’t look helpful, but just know that everything helps itSelf, no matter what it looks like.  

BE WELL . . .

The other day while taking a run … there was a viewing going on of some comments that had been made by a Friend that is currently in prison.  He was talking about how he sees all his mistakes and is going to do better now … see’s that he fuct up and is going to fix everything, become a better this and do a better that.  And a vision of all the cards people send out when one gets sick went by saying “Get Well” or “Get Well Soon.”  And what appeared in response was … don’t “get well” … “Be Well.”

Such a simple twist of words however something was so clearly seen and maybe it can be relayed here.  If one is “getting well” it means they aren’t currently “Well” now.  But right now is all there actually is … so just “Be Well” in it.  Stop trying to “become” better and just “Be” Great right now.

This is where one is pointed to being a “Clean Slate.”  If there is a sense that you have done something that you must fix then do whatever it is to fix it.  However, it is much simpler and easier to just have a Clean Slate and then send out the word (from the Inside) that anything unresolved is welcome to come to you and when it comes polish it up … wipe it clean and begin where you are … right now.

Nothing can be done about the past except in the moment you are in.  So “Be Well” right now … not tomorrow … right now … stop seeing yourself as “not well.”  And just simply “Be Well” in each moment that arises.  Don’t “Be Well” for anyone else … “Be Well” for you and then everyone else benefits and begins to “Be Well” through their interaction with you.  Maybe start making new cards that say “Be Well Now” instead of “Get Well Soon.”  Heh!

This isn’t like how you usually learn things in the world … usually you must practice like with football, basketball, skateboarding or learning an instrument you have to keep doing it over and over until it is learned.  “Be Well” … is instantaneous.  This is seeing there is Nothing To Learn … it takes no practice to “Be Well” you just Are It and that is seen when one is honest and not making excuses and is reporting from the moment they are In.  Even if you are physically sick (which is the body … not you and this is not about the body), you have the ability to “Be Well” to recognize beyond/before the body … that you Are Well.

“Be Well.”

ON MUSIC AND THE HEART...

Response to a question posed in Music Class...

Why would Europeans feel that Native American Music is Primitive?

Maybe they thought it was primitive because they use the intellect over feeling or inner-knowledge which cannot be learned but can be known and this leads one when they don't understand something to just categorize and stamp a label on it and call it "primitive" but if life is a timeless experience (which it actually is) "primitive" is a lie.  Yes music has become "fuller" but the energy is still the same.  What song and music comes out of ... does not change.  So it is always the same energy pushing forth what comes through, it may seem more advanced because it is more complex in technique, but it is still the same simple energy it has always been.  However, Thomas Edison was able to see and capture what others were attempt to change.  If it were primitive we wouldn't still desire to hear it ... it would be extinct like the dinosaurs.  However, since there is still a message to hear in it...it is still here.  What we don't understand we attempt to change or destroy.

I worked on a reservation in Arizona for 3 years for a telecommunications company that was separated into two companies, one that was run by the Tribe (Salt River Pima) and they owned the switch for the phone and internet to run off of and offered it to those that lived on the reservation and the other company was run by a group of men and women that built out the switch maintained it and sold it off the reservation (on U.S. soil ... which was always funny that I would leave the country ever day but still be in the Country :o).  

Sometimes it was challenging to get the two companies that were in the same building to function, the Reservation had their way of doing things and the other company had theirs.  The people from the Reservation tended to work much more slowly and took longer to learn things, but they did eventually, but it could be frustrating for the employees of the other company that were looking to progress and sell so they would have to slow down and pace themselves.  What I watched and learned while I was there (and I got frustrated sometimes too and I have Native blood but was not raised in it), I got to see that the people on the Reservation weren't trying to "get" anywhere.  There was no ultimate goal except to do what they were doing.  I really really appreciated this coming from a society where you were always trying to get to the next best thing.  

I also saw how the people on the reservation did start to learn and do things more rapidly and efficiently and had higher self-esteem from their workings with our company.  Everything Serves.  So there was a lot that went on in that company that wasn't so quickly seen, but in a way it was a small microcosm of Pilgrims coming to Native Land and the merging of the two.

I wrote the following journal entry yesterday and it seems related to what is being spoken about.  And although it may seem a bit far fetched (maybe not) at some other time it may not.  It is not edited so please excuse the typos and formatting and run on chatter :o)

2013 06.10 10:42am – So I am having flashbacks (which haven’t happened in a long time) while reading “An Introduction to America’s Music” for MUSIC class and it is speaking about “Fools Crow” who is a main character of Indian decent that is summoned by a realm to take a religious journey which flashes me to 1997, when I had the dream that said “YOU ARE GOING TO SCOTTSDALE ARIZONA” and I didn’t even know where that was and within 6 months was living in Arizona and within a year working in Scottsdale.  I have not ever thought of it as a religious (don’t like that word) journey.  I just thought I was a weirdo that had a dream that there was not option in listening to because I was told to.  It wasn’t an option … it was like an Earth Shattering event. 

So the book goes on to speak about this Indian who had visions of the future to come…which again flashed me to 1998, when I had the visions of the Earth Changes, and how everyone I love would die because New York would be underwater.  And how I wrote to Mom and was telling her to let people know and the only one that really took me with any seriousness about it was Pete, who moved to Colorado or at least I thought he heard me and Mom also.  That is when I found Gordon Michael Scallion (ha! I haven’t looked him up in 1000 years but his website is now called the Matrix Institute of all things my favorite movie  :o) 

I have not ever felt the need since then to spread the news, but I did have a very strong pull to leave AZ after a while as there was always an image that it would be ocean front property but that there wouldn’t be much water to drink for a long time and there would be flooding. 

Fool’s Crow goes on to teach people to make peace within themselves…sounds familiar on this experience I am having…since the only thing I am drawn to is Pointing to That.

Fool’s Crow goes on to say many things about being virtuous and next life stuff that I don’t have much interest in (ha that sounds badly too) but what does interest me is that he mentions that generations to come will know the way it was (which comes also to me in flash and in this music class and in all the Native people I keep coming across including Wayneji).  He speaks of the Below Ones, The Underwater People and the Above Ones and I have had flashes of all of them also and can almost recall living underwater and also eliminating the fear of Aliens in understand … the only ones I have not been in tune with is the Below Ones…I have read about the Lemurians at Mt. Shasta but have not felt a connection with it and have not ever wanted to go underground…don’t care for caves even though I love cave time.  Don’t mind the fear of drowning (though I don’t like it) but I really don’t like being buried alive and the pressure on the body and the lungs and the intensity of feeling cemented in which has come up a few times on Psychedelics.  Water I can handle and it is quick usually but earth is not as kind.

They say Indians were headed for extinction, but from what I can tell in myself you cannot extinct the DNA cause it flows in this blood and it is like having memory bank storage that reveals itself in perfect timing and all the culture is still there, it just isn’t tapped into until the moment arrives that it is … nothing can be lost.  All is recorded. 

When the History of All Time opened up on the back porch of MU in one instant … less than a millisecond (whatever that is) everything was seen and Known about life on Earth…it was so fast and instantaneous that the mind could do nothing…it was helpless to the information and it took a great deal of time (not really but in Earth years it was) to process. 

It is not that I can remember everything that has happened but I know the information is there and available for accessing.  Like I know I could fly a plane if I had to because the information is there.  Do I know how to tap into it…no.  But I don’t need to know… if I am supposed to know…then I will and that is the gift that was given in the History of All Time moment.  Doesn’t mean it will make me better at Math because if I am supposed to suck at it that is how it goes… but I do know that I already Know every bit of Math that could ever be thought up, because there is no such thing as time and so all of everything has already happened and simultaneously nothing ever has.

I am beginning to wonder if my Indian both American and India run much deeper than I can intellectually understand and why I have so many challenges with white men and an underlying anger.  Reminded again of last year when Wayneji said to look into this.  I had thought it was because of my father, but I am seeing now that it was not…it was a deeper line in history of White men doing things that at the time seemed cold and destructive.  I also am aware of the White in me…that on my mother’s side there is a long White line and they were not bad people, but had been immersed in many things that they may have had to turn their head away from or had done themselves for their own survival.  This would be the attraction of my mother to my Father who he seems to have much more of a lineage of Black, Indian both kinds and German keeps coming up (which would account for his background in Science and becoming a Scientist … which I only assume he was from stories he told of working at Bell Labs and seeing the video telephone back in the 70s that we couldn’t even imagine having in our homes and yet I spent the last 10 years video conferencing for QT with my Family all over the world.)

Also no wonder I am drawn to transcription, which is also in the Native and White, blood … Thomas Edison Invented it and used it in recording the Natives both with audio and video.  I imagine Thomas Edison was a user of psychedelics probably mushrooms and peyote.  Don’t take these substances lightly … they are not a party drug though they can be introduced that way…best to revere them as scared so that they can reveal to you the Gift that they are.  A white man like Thomas Edison would be necessary for the information to come through because his brain would have been prepared to formulate and use the information through his education…not just his but the education of his DNA.   That information could not be used on a Native American because they didn’t readily have that part of the brain activated to receive it.  It’s not a level of higher or lower…just information and the ability to access it.  Like you can some “apps” on an Android phone but not on an Iphone and visa versa.  This is what I got to see early on in the business world.  People didn’t get more money because of anything other than that they had information and Dave Chappelle said as you move along in the world you see that life is made up of only two things “Soup” and “Information” and that the more you move up the better the soup and information gets.  Yummers Dave Chappelle, Yummers!

So I would say they saw it as primitive because they did not understand it and maybe it has seemingly taken a long time for it to finally come around to be appreciated and seen for what it is ... a true Gift.