It was said to me that I come off like I know so much, but that actually I am wrong about everything. Not just one thing or some things but everything.
At first this was heard like I had to do something about it, oh no! I am wrong about everything how can I fix that. But then something started to dawn from it. I don't ever know. I may think that I know about something, I may think that I know what I am going to type next...but so often I find that I am wrong. If you are reading this then you can check for yourself. How often do you go to sleep at night with all these plans that you are going to get all these things done and you wake up the next day and none of them happen. Now I am not saying that is always the case. However, for me, I find it is the case more often than not...that I am doing things during my day that I had not only not planned but had not even thought about and the things that had to get done usually do, but not necessarily in "my" time-frame.
The first time that this came to my awareness was back in like 1998 when I took a philosophy class...I had just moved to Arizona in a very strange way...I had a dream. Not just your regular old wake up in the morning thinking "well that was a nice dream." I had a dream like none before and none since and the dream said "YOU ARE GOING TO SCOTTSDALE ARIZONA!" I have no way to describe it other than it was to the core of my being. I didn't even know where Scottsdale AZ was ... I had two young children, my significant other, Mark and I both worked full-time jobs and he even had his own company so he had two jobs, but there was nothing I could do about it...it would not leave me alone. I had to go. Mark wasn't too keen on the idea but after about 3 months he saw that I was seriously going. I wanted him to come but I didn't want him to come if he didn't want to. Then one night he took me out to dinner and said..."guess what" and I said "what" and he said "I'm going with you." And from there everything fell in place both of our companies laid us off and within six months we were in Arizona...living in Chandler and my first job was in Scottsdale.
Which led me to my philosophy class, I enrolled in this class when I arrived in Arizona, it was a very good class that got me writing out some of the things I had experienced in life (The Voice) and started taking a deeper looking into who I thought I was. Which for me at the time, seemed like a world of possibilities and big open skies... and it was my first introduction to Socrates. He is still the only philosopher I would stand by and he is the only one I have fully connected with because he said one simple thing that makes so many things clear. He said "I am wise because I know, I know nothing." This can be heard in many ways and I have heard it throughout the years in many ways, but ultimately, what it has boiled down to for me is that I don't know what anything is for.
Whether or not I sound like I know a lot of things does not make it so, what is typed what is shared through me as Joy in this world, is received along with the typing, sharing of it. I write what comes through so that I can see it...it really isn't for anyone but me, however if there is someone else that receives something from it then that is great. The things that I have come to Know, are not things that I can say. Don't you just Know when you Know something (some call it a gut feeling), and if someone says to you well how do you know...you say I don't know I just Know. :o)
It's a paradox and one that can bring a smile or a frown. A smile if you are not so concerned with knowing what everything is for and a frown if you are trying to know.
My Teacher asked me to admit to the world that I don't know and this is my admittance.