Being Alone.

Up until the last week, I have not been physically alone in life.  I went from my parents and siblings to a husband and children, with no time where I lived alone or really had any time alone.  Recently, I've been given some alone time...like completely alone...it was a squence of events I suppose...looking back. 

About 2 weeks ago, I stopped verbally speaking...then I went on a short fast (no food) and cleared our home out of just about everything there is to eat that had any chemicals or additives including all bathroom stuff...so then home was really empty not only of people but of "stuff." Slowing I moved all clothing out and am widdling away at all the nicknacks collected.  It has been a pretty intense time.  Not many distractions although much being done. 

What has been found...is that I am never alone.  I mean I have known that for a long time (used to make me feel paranoid)...but now in a different way...now in Being Alone...I find that I am not alone.  Actually, I don't exit.  I mean the "I" that I think I am...doesn't exist...doing keeps happening whether I think there is a me (and even that is not me) doing it.  It doesn't mean I haven't been scared...like when the storms were coming and the wind was blowing and it was dark and creepy and when the water pipe broke and snow was falling and spent over a week turning the water pump on and off to do dishes and bath until the plumber came.  Or the fear of not having food, as I live rural and haven't been driving and wondering how food was going to get here (a week in and it dawned that you can order many lovely things through Amazon (Prime even better cause it's free shipping).

So I am alone and simoutaneously not Alone and in this finding was a pharse that appeared..."there is no "I" in You."

Again nothing to learn...always been this way...always Is.  Time to get the mail.

  ~Joysters