Being Alone.

Up until the last week, I have not been physically alone in life.  I went from my parents and siblings to a husband and children, with no time where I lived alone or really had any time alone.  Recently, I've been given some alone time...like completely alone...it was a squence of events I suppose...looking back. 

About 2 weeks ago, I stopped verbally speaking...then I went on a short fast (no food) and cleared our home out of just about everything there is to eat that had any chemicals or additives including all bathroom stuff...so then home was really empty not only of people but of "stuff." Slowing I moved all clothing out and am widdling away at all the nicknacks collected.  It has been a pretty intense time.  Not many distractions although much being done. 

What has been found...is that I am never alone.  I mean I have known that for a long time (used to make me feel paranoid)...but now in a different way...now in Being Alone...I find that I am not alone.  Actually, I don't exit.  I mean the "I" that I think I am...doesn't exist...doing keeps happening whether I think there is a me (and even that is not me) doing it.  It doesn't mean I haven't been scared...like when the storms were coming and the wind was blowing and it was dark and creepy and when the water pipe broke and snow was falling and spent over a week turning the water pump on and off to do dishes and bath until the plumber came.  Or the fear of not having food, as I live rural and haven't been driving and wondering how food was going to get here (a week in and it dawned that you can order many lovely things through Amazon (Prime even better cause it's free shipping).

So I am alone and simoutaneously not Alone and in this finding was a pharse that appeared..."there is no "I" in You."

Again nothing to learn...always been this way...always Is.  Time to get the mail.

  ~Joysters

Journaling...

There's been quite alot coming up today...I'll get it written down as it comes...I was thinking about journaling.  I have done it pretty much all my life in one way or another...I've always loved to write and I also love the intimacy I have felt when writing to myself.  I used to write in code when I was younger so that no one would figure it out and I could say what I truly felt about anything.  My earliest journal that I have kept is from when I was 15 years old...so it's kind of nice to have it to go back to and if you have children then I would suggest you suggesting to them to journal.

So what brought this up was...last month I was feeling pretty low and I popped open a journal from like 1999 to 2004 and just sat up real late reading it and I was shocked...there was a time that I just sort of free flowed writing...if you are familiar with Neale Donald Walsh (he wrote the Conversations with God series) I was reading him back in the early 2000s cause he was saying at the time the same things that were (or similar) coming through my "Talks" with myself...I would write a question and then the answer would just be there.  Well what a treat to read what was written back then...now ... it made me realize there is no "time" (which I have another post brewing on that thought).  I really got to see that I have always been taken care of ... in fact there is no "I" to take care of and what I was reading reiterated that and pointed me back to what is beyond and before the thought "I."

So if you feel like unlearning ... to who you Are.  Grab a pad, go some place quiet, maybe lite a candle and some incense to warm you up and just write whatever comes up...you can even do it on the computer but I would recommend that you sit with a journal without electronics and just let your hand write what it would like to share...sort of like "Hugo" if you have seen the movie...it's like your hand is just waiting for the key (pen) to share everything with you.  You don't ever have to share it with anyone, although someday you might want to...who knows ;o)

One of the first real questions that began the unduing of who I think I am ... was writting down the question, "Who am I?" and watching as it was all taken away...everything that I thought I was...because anything that I thought I was...could be taken away.

  ~Joysters

Is there anything to share...truthfully...like can anyone really share there life with another?

I usually feel completely misunderstood when I am with another. We don't see the same colors on the flowers and the trees and we don't like the same music.

Today I heard a video program that had on one of my favorite groups from the 80s "The Force MDs" the ballad like love songs that had my feet off the ground for years and now I've come to find out they are favorite on Barrack Obama' play list te he he. I guess you could say we share the force mds but the experiences and emotions that come up will be different for each of is.

It's been a long time...

There has seemingly been a lot that has transpired over the years...for one...the republishing of Spiritual Vitamins and Dialogues with a Master is done :o)

Now seems to be a time of unfolding. Of not knowing what will come next although one doesn't anyway...sometimes it seems like it can be. There is gratitude to have a place to just Speak from and this maybe the tool to do that...not that there is a concern that anyone ever sees anything that is here...it all serves :o)

~Joysters

Thank You

Yesterday, Wayneji and Kayemomma came over and we had very nice BBQ together. Unlike Matthew and his finding ways to speak. There were no words to our toast although there are a million thank yous for which to raise a glass to Wayneji.

Thank you Wayneji for Speaking and being who you Are. Thank you for serving this Country. I know it has taken a long time for this one to see the Military as something to be thankful for. It has been a long gradual shift. It seems we do need to be protected from ourselves and you do it...some how you do it in a way that we aren't even aware that it is...until we are somehow reminded of how we got where we are. Stillness IZ...even in war. Or maybe it is more like war is in Stillness.

Thank you for coming over and sharing a meal with us. And Kayemomma thank you so much for helping getting it ready! And for those of you looking to the picture on the right ... that yummers t-shirt that Wayneji has on is made by our Yara.

~Joysters

Oahu, HI (part 1)

As I promised yesterday, here is a picture of Kayemomma (and her swim coach, Jensen) at her first swim lesson yesterday morning. She did really good and by the end of todays lesson was swimming underwater and coming up to breath without stopping her swimming. Maybe we will practice some more before we leave tomorrow.

It is very hard to believe that our trip will be over already. It has been a very full experience. We have eaten at many wonderful restaurants and have flown through the air

...learned how to surf,

and I've gotten a tatoo!!!

It's getting late...so I'm turning in for some rest!

Thank you Wayneji, Kayemomma, Wealeskers and Tman...for making this trip so amazing!

~Joysters

Who Am I? Really.

This is a question that no one can answer for you.  The question of "Who Am I?"  If you have found yourself at this page then the odds are you have begun to question reality and your role in it.  There has been a very big assumption and that assumption that has been made is that you exists and you know who you are.  However this assumption is being questioned or you wouldn't be here.  So what you have come here for is the question:

"Who Am I?"

Ask yourself and see what comes.  You may at first find that the answers that come say...I am "insert name here."   If you can look at the statement you may see the lie.  If you have put in a name ... like we can use the example of Jane/you...so we put in the name Jane/you to have "I am Jane."  Now look again...who is calling Jane...Jane?  (<----don't speed past this one :o)

This can blind one from looking at "I."  Because there is so much investment in the story around a name "I/Jane."  Some thoughts from the past or about the future that are saying "I/Jane must be because I remember her."  Who remembers her...now don't get caught in the thought that says "I" do because again...Who is saying "I do."  At first it maybe frustrating...then the question can come from that too..."Who is Frustrated."

It takes a commitment to continue to ask.  If you see thoughts come and have changed from Who to How/Why...refocus them to Who...begin to use Who when thoughts say "I."  It sounds too simple.      The mind insists on complexity to avoid what is so close, that complexity is in It.  However, you will be following the thoughts back to the Present and the Present cannot be thought. So now the first question has been answered...I am not Jane.  I/Jane is a name and names can be changed, it is unchangeable, unalterable.  So we come to find that "I"  am not (insert name here) who I think I am.   Then "Who Am I?  Really."

The next answer that comes maybe something like (and take a moment to look/pause and see if you can begin to see where that answer came from).

If  the answer that came is something like... I am this body.  Investigate...It sure can feel like the body is who we are...however...if you look closely...if you are the body...could it be taken from you?  If you were/are  it...and you lose part of it...like an arm or a leg, do you lows a part of yourself?  Could you be without it?  The body will die...eventually something will kill it even if it is old age.  So if you are able to see that you are not the body, again the investigation arises...if I am not the body...who am I?

The questions will continue to come...look at them...begin to ask "Who is aware of this?" To whom do these thoughts come?  Do the thoughts that show up actually reveal who you are or do they only reveal who you are not.  If it can change...then it is not who you are?