BLAME.

Recently a Friend of mine and I were talking about blame. He was sharing how people he worked with weren't doing what they were supposed to and making his life harder. He has had similar complaints over the years and this doesn't seem to change for him.

I have been trained that if I am blaming someone for something...then it is my unwillingness to look at myself that is causing the so called "problem." It is not ever about "them" out there. Now it took a bit of time for this to dawn on me...I spent probably the first 20 years of my life blaming others for my unhappiness or dilemas in life. A psychiatrist that I adorded, Howard, said to me when I was about 18...he said, "The reason you are so unhappy, is because you choose to be." Boy I didn't like hearing that...but it rang in my mind like an ancient bell and still shows up when I hear blame around me. Still, I spent about another 20 years with that thought..."choosing to be unhappy." And it did undo me over those 20 years.

It wasn't until it dawned that there is only really one "choice." Which was fairly recently, and that choice is to listen to thoughts or to pay attention to what the thoughts arise in (Stillness).

I have been pointed to that for a very long time and little by little the Space between the thoughts has become more and more apparent.  It takes a commitment to not believe what the thoughts say and to recognize that a thought is always about the past or the future it cannot be about the Present because you are IN the Present...so anything that one says or thinks or does...is movement out of the Present.  Even this typing is in the past...as it is typed it is once removed from the Present and then the reading of it is twice removed from the present :o)  So we are regressing (in a sense) to the Present by pulling the attention away from thoughts, typing, reading.  All those things will still happen but the attention is not on them...you will begin to see that the attention on the Space/Stillness allows for the reading, typing and thoughts to appear in and there is a crystal clarity that comes from Seeing that from that Space. It will take practice but it is the most worthwhile practice you will ever do.


Back to my Friend. So I've been sharing with him that the saying "if you are pointing your finger at someone...you have 3 pointing back at you." It is an overused anology, still it is a great pointer for anyone that really wants to look at and make a change in their life and behavior. All the sayings will begin to ring true if you put them on yourself first and not on an apparent "other."

However, you can use an "apparent other," (such as I am doing with my Friend) to look at yourself.

So I know that his life will not be any different if he is not willing to take responsibilty for what he is feeling...that it is not the other person's fault that he is mad about what the other person did. He is the one feeling it so it is in him.

He can make it simple for himself and in effect, will help everyone around him, if he can drop the story that he keeps repeating (and see that it is no longer happening...it is only a story about something that happened that he didn't like and keeps using to make himself miserable).

If he just drops the story and places his attention on the Space/Stillness that the thoughts are coming from, that Space/Stillness replaces the story and the story drops.  It may come right back but that momentary stopping is all that is needed to take the juice (the energy) out of the story and in effect heals and wipes it away.  Then if the story comes back you have the "choice" to put the juice back in it or to once again pay attention to Stillness/Space. 

This is where the saying "Truth or Illusion" comes from.  Truth...Stillness/Space or Illusion (story/thoughts).  Eventually there will be more Stillness/Space than there are stories/thoughts...and you will know the true meaning of "Peace."

Thoughts are not real...they are just words or pictures or sounds that take you away from the moment you are in, you miss where you are when you are paying attention to thoughts. The whole world passes you by when you are thinking about the past and the future...things that have seemed to happen and what might happen, when you are focused on a story that you keep telling yourself and it maybe about blame of what someone did to you or it maybe about the beautiful sunset you saw last night...both thoughts are just as meaningless because you are missing what is showing up for you right now by watching them.  There is nothing wrong with watching them...you can always watch them if you like, however you wouldn't be reading this if you weren't ready to not have them as your Master.

This sharing is make you aware that there is something (that is not a something) that the thoughts come from and you have the ability to come from That (you actually are That).

Just a few more words on blame. Blame is used for what you do not want to take responsibilty for and we have a world of cowards at this time. You can stand up and be the person you are looking for...by not looking for the person you want to be...you BE IT.

Don't expect someone else to change when you won't take responsibilty for how you are, how you feel, what you think.

To your own Self be True.

Let others to their own work.  And as you do yours and stand tall in who you are, those around you will see how taking responsibility for your life and those who are in it works for you.  

You be the one you are looking for everyone else to be.  You become more and more of that...stop complaining and become quieter and pay attention to your own behavior (ask yourself are you being what you want...are you reflecting what you want others to be or are you a teacher of complaining and whining and saying how it is not fair)?

If you begin to become a responsibile person that does things in a responsible way...those around you will either stand up and be true to themselves or they will leave and either way you will find yourself surround by all the help you need.

Few tidbits:

Blaming - Look at yourself first - You cannot see something that you aren't doing or haven't done yourself.  And be kind to yourself when you see that you do it...it's not about feeling bad it's about taking responsibilty and finding compassion for yourself and others.

Responsible - Be that which you seek others to be...as you become That... others will seek you out to become That.

Choice - Ultimately there is no Choice, however until such time as you are fully Aware of that...choose to pay attention to the Stillness that thoughts arise in. Take a pause (Pause) and pay attention to the space between thoughts.

If you need help establishing the pause, ask "Who?" "Who is aware of these thoughts?". "Who is this showing up for?"

And if you hear the old familiar "it is showing up for me" ask

                                        "Who am I?

and don't assume that you know.

Patience :))))

Love.
~yourSelf