MEDITATION IN THE UNCOMFORTABLENESS

The Prayer

Yesterday was a strange Meditation (pulled off the side of the road and headed towards where I usually sit when coming back from COS), this time instead of going back where I usually sit, something pulled me to the left … I actually stood there sort of undecided whether to move in that direction, but then did. 

It was a small enclave of greenery under and amazing Oak (I think) tree, there were birds and bugs everywhere … things flying about and I put Pete’s (the dog) blanket down, took off my shoes and sat. 

When I sat down I realized their were ants everywhere tons of them and momentarily got scared that they were red ones and would bite me. 

Something had me stay a bit longer … it said to “trust that all was ok” and since I know the only way to see if what is shared is True is to do it … well that’s what happened and the eyes closed and Meditation began.

It was very quiet at first, and then there were sounds of the insects appearing.  That was paid attention to for a bit and then the deep Silence appeared and was entered into.  Then there was a sound, a sharp sound and a sense of something shadowy or dark in the area.  Again, there was a silent request to not open the eyes and not move but to allow for it to be there. 

It was very scary.

The unknown can be very scary, the mind will come up with all kinds of things that it could be.  It kept sounding like it was coming closer and the thoughts were that it was an animal or a human, because it was very slow moving but felt rather large and there was a desire to know what it was, while at the same time such fear of what it was, because again, the energy was dark and large.

Minute or seconds can seem like hours when you are afraid and don’t know what something is or what is going on or what will happen.  Then the thought appeared that the only way to face fear, is to be willing to let it kill you.  And then flashes of an attack appeared, that it was human and it would attack me, rape me or cut my throat, and at the same time, there was a willingness (in that moment) that if it were so then it was so.  There was no movement away from that happening and yet it did not happen.  Then fear thoughts appeared that it could be an animal and start biting me and ripping the body apart and again there was just sitting through the fear (thoughts/feelings) and the willingness that if that is what is to happen, so be it. 

This may sound easy and simple to the one reading it, but go yourself into the forest, close your eyes with no one around to save you and allow the sounds and sensations to appear and see if you open your eyes, or move to get up.  No one can do these things for you, but when they appear, if you … sit through fear, thoughts, senstaions … a Gift is given that no one but the experience could give you.  Doesn’t make it easy.  And you don’t know what the Gift is so you can’t do it to receive something, you actually do it in a willingness to lose; to die.

Then an ant was on my chest and some kind of bug was crawling up the leg and since there is no movement in Meditation you truly get to feel what that feels like and it tickles; but it doesn’t hurt.  The sense was that if it had been swatted at … it’s buddies would have come and had a field day biting away.  But because it is allow to just wander…it doesn’t stay long and goes on it’s way… which it did. 

The one on the chest however, did eventually bite and it stung, it hurt a bit but not a lot and then it left.  When I had put the blanket down and plopped on the ground, unaware of the surroundings and then looked down and saw all the ants around me some information came through that if I had intended to hurt the ants (that I probably just killed when I plopped down on their world without looking) there would have been a full attack by the ants on this body, but since the energy was one of ignorant innocence, that didn’t happen.

I was also made aware that it is important to Tread Lightly on the sensitive environments that have entire worlds that I cannot understand because at this time there is not an open enough consciousness to know it.  However, becoming aware of other ways and states of being, will begin to open those up in anyone willing to be opened.  This was why there was not a fear of other ants biting, in fact there was a sense that the ant was sharing with me what it would feel like if I wasn’t aware or did attack with intent for harm … that it actually has a very strong bit and if there were many bites (like the one received) it would seriously hurt and they have that ability (right in that moment that it was happening) to hurt me.

So instead of being angry about being bit, there was gratitude for the sharing and explanation of what had seemingly transpired.

STAYING A BIT LONGER IN THE UNCOMFORTABLENESS…

Theory cannot work in this regard, one has to do it and it can be done in any moment that uncomfortableness appears or arises.  Usually we want to move away from what is uncomfortable but like the above it has so much to reveal and share with the one that is willing to stay.  The more you stay in the uncomfortableness the less uncomfortable things become…funny huh :o)

FEAR OF FEAR ...

February 18, 2013

We have been trained to believe that what we “think” and “see” are real.  Not necessarily what we actually see, but what we see on TV or through the Internet.  But how often have you actually seen, what they say happens on TV … in your reality?  You can spend your whole life afraid of things that will not ever happen to you.  All that you are afraid of is a belief that it could happen to you.  But come on … take a look at your life … honestly … you’re alive right now somewhere reading this … didn’t everything work out?  Honestly, hasn’t your life worked out for you, everything has worked out and you are now in the moment you are in, with a whole day ahead of you to be surprised by what shows up.

The fear that arises from what we “think” and what we see on TV or read or hear on the Internet is not really fear.  

It is fear of fear.

Real fear is when something is actually happening.  Like a car is coming at you, that is real fear and the body will more than likely jump out of the way or freeze like a deer in headlights, but that would be an actual “feeling” of fear, experience of “fear.”

Fear of fear, is when you are afraid that something may or may not happen because of something you “think” or from something one-step removed from your realty (i.e., like TV or Internet news/talk).

One of many huge Gifts that has been received from reading the “Autobiography of Mark Twain”, is that he shows (since it was written over 100 years ago) that things do not really change. People are still scared of the same things that happened or were thought of 100 years ago. The newspaper stories from back then are not much different than now, there was still corruption, unemployment, murders, abuses, scandals, wars … everything that is happening now … was happening then … it just looks different because the faces and names have changed. This was/is a huge gift to see … because when one is willing to see to stop and take an honest look, you begin to see that things just happen.  There isn’t actually cause and effect, but life happens and people (you) comment on it.

This is a simple practice to begin to see that the above is so, just begin to watch and see if you could do something any other way than how it is done.  At first, it will seem like you can, that you can make your hand move or your mouth speak but if you are diligent in your watching/Witnessing of life and “you” in it … you will begin to see that action happens and then it is thought about and you will see the hand raise and see the thought as well “I raised my hand” but you will begin to intuitively know that the hand raised a split second before the thought to raise it or saying it was raised actually occur.  You have to want to know this but if you do, you will soon see that you are not the one moving the hand.  When this is seen then you begin to question, “If I am not moving the hand, who is?”  Which leads to the ultimate question, if I am not who I think I am:

“Who am I?”

You will begin to start worrying about it less and watching/Witnessing it more and more.  You begin to wait and see what happens, instead of saying what will happen. Life will reveal itself to you. It always is and has anyway, you just *thought* it was the other way around.

When you are honest … you see that everything has always worked out, this will continually reveal itself to you, as each problem (seeming) arises you will begin to relax more into watching how it resolves itself and you will watch your role in it rather than believing you are the role.

It doesn’t mean that you will or will not like how it works out, but it will work out and not just for you but for everyone.

Turn off the TV and Internet every once in awhile and go outside and breath the fresh air, look up at the sun, check out the stars and put your feet in the grass, the soil or the ocean.  You can take a break from all the drama of the world. It will still be there when you want it, when you want to be afraid or scare yourself, turn it back on or find that friend that always has all the bad news to give you. :o)

However, if you are starting to see the cracks in the stories of how bad it all is, then go out and look at the day and smile at it. It’s all for you.