DYING WHILE BEING BORN...

(click here or on photo for Break on Through)

Sometimes the personality has a very quick death, like with Ramana Maharishi, his personal identity died and he Birthed into Awakening at a very young age.  Or sometimes and for many (see A Personal Odyssey Wayne Austin) the process is gradual and there is a life with much trials and tribulations.  What once was a Curse, at another time will be seen as a Gift.  Yearning, anger, depression, frustrations are all calls from yourSelf to know yourSelf.  When things are good, often the call isn’t Heard, but when things are considered not good, then one begins to listen, and once one begins to listen, what was at one time considered  “not good” becomes the “Great Gift.”

As the personality dies and the Truth of Who You Are is being Born, the one thing that lightens the load in Life and Death, is that you begin to realize that you don’t care.  All remnants of personal “will” (which wasn’t anyway) are dissolved as the Truth grows that you didn’t have a personal “will” anyway.  How will you know when this begins to happen, you SMILE more and frown less.  The attention has now been shifted to what doesn’t move, what doesn’t change, what is constant before time, during time and after time.  This does not mean that life will become easier, though it might, it may become harder, you just won’t care (SMILE).  And that doesn’t mean that the body will not still react, it will do what it does, yet you, the one that you “thought” you are … won’t care.  It is a simple shift from thinking one is the “doer” to Realizing one is the Witness.

So if you are lucky, like this one, there was not ever too much love of the personality, which eventually came as quite a surprising Gift, for had the personality been loved and admired (which it can be once it is seen for what it is), it may not have been moved past through.  And yet it has still been a very gradual process.  Depression, anxiety, mood swings, instability, yearning and longing, all came as a tremendous Gift (though that does not mean it was easy).  All of it was/is used to push one back into itSelf. 

Once your attention is on That (That which you are IN), life still happens, all the same things that have always happened to you, may still occur, but now you face these situations, from where you have always been, you are already dead, you know where everyone is going, because everyone is already there, whether they know it or not.  All the things that you once thought were obstacles are now seen as the pointers to the Truth of You.  You see through Child’s Eyes and it is all a mystery, the attention gets placed on That, you are no longer seeking safety in the world, because your safety is no longer in the world, it is in/on THAT which the world appears in.  So…

You may find yourSelf in a great mansion or homeless on the street.

You may find yourSelf rich or penniless, with not very much to eat.

You may find family and friends all around you, or that you don’t have a single one.

You may find that you accomplish so much or that you get nothing done.

You may find that you are genius or that you cannot do simple math.

You may find yourSelf in a great depression or on a chosen path.

You may find success or failure;

You may find marriage or divorce.

You may find yourSelf driving fast cars or riding on a horse.

You may find the birth of a child or the death of one you hold dear.

You may find yourSelf while laughing or while shedding pain-filled tears.

You may find yourSelf in struggle, you may find yourSelf in war, you may find yourSelf travelling upon a distant shore.

You may find yourSelf a homemaker; you may find yourSelf behind a desk.

You may find yourSelf in the city, or the country, or forest.

But you will no longer care where you are, where you are going or what you will be, because you have found yourSelf and in THAT you are forever Free.

THOUGHTS

(Click Photo for "Ask YourSelf")

Those thoughts you have that go by all the time, one after another, bringing all kinds of other thoughts and reactions and sensations, have nothing to do with Reality.  This is not something that you can take someone’s word for (although taking someone’s word for it, at first, is a great helping hand in beginning to see for yourself), you must be willing to investigate whether or not, thoughts have anything to do with Reality, or do thoughts appear after the fact.  It is not only possible, but actual, that everything you think, is after what happens, even your arm moving or your eyes reading this, is after the fact of it happening.  The body registers the information and then the brain receives it and thought appears and this is all very instantaneous, yet still behind the action.

Why would you want to begin to see that thoughts have nothing to do with Reality, because then you will begin to see that you are not the thoughts.  This will lead to beginning to ask, if I am not the thoughts, then who am I?  Or “if they are not my thoughts, who’s are they?”  Did you ever wonder where a thought comes from or do you just blindly follow them?  The funny thing is…the blindly following is even before the thought.  Awareness of this, will begin to shed light on a darkened state of mind.  Until someone turns the light on, no one even knows they are in the dark. 

It’s like fish at the bottom of the sea, they do not know they are in the dark, if you went down there and said to them…”hey…fishes…you are in the dark” they might say… “what the hell is dark?” how would you describe it to them?  However, if you took one in your arms and started swimming north, up and up and the dark became lighter and lighter, until the fishes eyes burned and it said “oh…I see…it is so warm, it is beyond warm, it is behind kind, I didn’t know what cold was until now, I don’t know how to explain this, but I know how it feels.”  And then you start to go back down and the fish doesn’t understand why would you bring him back down to the darkness and you explain that the Light would obliterate him because he comes from the dark, but as he now Knows the Light … Knows where all are going and that it is not out or in or north or south or up or down but it is IN everyONE, that the fish can now point to it with others that are in the dark and Lighten their load.

So the fish goes back down to the deep sea and it is not easy to tell those that have not seen something, something which cannot be explained but can be Known and yet he starts and he begins to help move the other fishes that Hear him up slowly into lighter gentler waters and as they move up others move up with them and they all begin to see that what once so dark and scary and unknown, is not that at all.  That they have been in it all along, they only thought they were in the dark.  But the Light was/is always Here.

Thoughts are like Dark waters, you can share with one that they are not in Dark water but only paying attention to Dark water, but the only way for one to See they were in Dark water, is to begin to stop pay attention to the thoughts.  Not trying to stop the thought…just not paying attention to them.  One must begin to pay attention to what is before the thoughts, what thoughts appear In, the space between thoughts…this space right here (       ).

If you are one that is ready to begin to stop paying attention to the thoughts, then get in touch with me. 

  ~Joysters

JUST PLAYING MY PART

Bradley Albert Allen Pollard

("That's My Plan" by Steven Walters)

It is said that Shakespeare announced that “we are all actors and the world is our stage.”  How often do we hear words and they ring true but we just let them go by without investigation.  Do you like the saying?  Or does it scare you?  If you like it, do you believe it or just simply take it as an interesting idea?  If it scares you, is it the thought that you are not the one doing it, that brings up the fear?  For if you are the actor, who wrote the script and where are you going and what will you do?  Ever notice that you can make all the plans you want to, but rarely does it happen the way you think it will?  You go to bed the night before and have all these plans about how the day will play out and then upon waking none of them happen.

You are not in control.  Life is being lived through you.  You have been assigned a part and it is being played out beautifully no matter whether you like it or dislike it, the show goes on.  If you don’t believe this, see if you can stop it.  See if you can stop doing what you do.  All things that point to Truth can be investigated.  You don’t have to take someone’s word for it, all you have to do is see for yourself.

We are all used to Serve Life.  Your only role is actually to watch how you are used.  Eventually, as you begin to watch as opposed to “thinking” you are doing it, you will begin to be surprised by life.  It is actually working for you and everyone.  Most people don’t like the “thought” that they are being used, however, it happens in spite of one’s likes or dislikes.  The more comfortable you become with it the more enjoyable life becomes.  Because that old saying “what you resists persists” is not just a saying.  But as you begin to become Aware that you are not doing it…it creates a natural relaxation and then resistance goes down and you get to see what you do.  Most people “think” they know what they will do, they think they know everything that is going to happen and how they will react to it.  But it is not true, you don’t ever know what you will do until the moment arrives for you to do it.  So many times there has been the thought that “I” will do something or will not do something and the something “I” said I wouldn’t do, “I” did and the something “I” said “I” would do…didn’t happen.  Just begin to watch and wait and see what it is that you do or don’t do, don’t tell a story about it (or even if you do…don’t believe it so firmly).

We are all just playing our parts, we can be kind to one another while we do it, kindness comes from seeing that we are all doing the best that we can, how could we do any better than what we are doing, if we could, we would, we can only think we can do better and “better” is the enemy of good, because it is saying that the moment we are in isn’t good enough.  If there is to be a “better” it will come.

So back to being used, all things Serve.  Sometime we serve in ways that look helpful and sometimes we serve in ways that don’t look helpful, but just know that everything helps itSelf, no matter what it looks like.  There are so many examples but here are three that stick out for me.

One, my son Michael (Mikel) and I went to Disney World when he was 9, there was a ride there that was set up like a haunted house and you get in an elevator and it takes you up and then it drops you and things jump out at you on different floors and it was a big ride and probably very scary looking for a 9 year old.  He didn’t want to go on…he was very scared.  As a parent, I was aware that the ride would not hurt him (unless by some freak event), but I also know that he didn’t know that, I didn’t want him to become afraid of everything in life (that is what was coming up at the time…to push him…push him to do and see something that he was scared of, so that he would not be afraid) so I told him he was going on it and of course he said he wasn’t.  I told him I didn’t care if he ended up in therapy hating me for this…he was going on it (yes that does sound mean, but sometimes we need a kick in the ass to get past our fears).  I literally dragged him on the ride, it was not pleasant and it was embarrassing too, however something was pushing me to make sure this happened (there was not thinking about it…there wasn’t a plan that said if you do this … this will work out…it was just a gut Knowing to do it…to follow through).  We get on the ride…he is in tears…I tell him I will be with him and I will not let anything happen to him.  He had to trust that I have his best interest and would not do something to hurt him and so he got on the ride.  And we went down, fast … I was scared and things jumped out at us and we screamed.  But when we got off that ride he turned to me and said “Mom!  Let’s do it again!” :o)  Now it could have ended up a disaster but it didn’t and it led me to Trust deeper in myself that when my gut says to do something to do it…not because I know what the outcome will be…it is a deepening into not knowing and a deepening in Trust that one is led always by the Self.

Two, my son Tyler (Tman) was/is very athletic and I wanted him to play football because I knew he would like it.   He had played pop-warner when he was seven or eight and it was probably too soon and it intimidated him and we quit the team.  So when we moved to Yreka, I wanted him to give it a try again because something inside was saying it would be good for him that he would like it.  He signed up without much of an argument about it, but then there were some stories being told about how football was so rough and boys were getting really hurt (there are those risks) and so Tyler came home one day and said that he decided he didn’t want to play that he wasn’t going to.  I told him no way, we signed up and you give it two weeks and if after two weeks you hate it, then you can quit.  He was not happy about this and gave me quite a bit of guff about it, even had some parents contact me to tell me it wasn’t right that I was forcing him to play.  But for whatever reason (actually because it is not up to me) I stuck to my guns and made him go (just because I say this doesn’t mean it isn’t hard to do…it is hard to stick to something to stand by something, not hard in itself, but painful when you do not know if you are doing the right thing, you just have to stand in your own ground and have your fingers crossed (in a sense, in the beginning) that it will all work out and if it doesn’t it still will).  After two weeks…I didn’t hear a word of him quitting.  He loved football, became the Quarterback and though he took a long pause…finished his senior year on the MMA Leatherneck Football team!

The third, is a bit different, because it is not so solid and easy to explain, but it was almost 12 years ago now and I was driving from up here in Etna to Chandler AZ and as I was driving down the road, it was late at night and I was still a few hours away, a thought appeared that if I had a ring and I could use it to change anything I want from happening, would I use it.  Now you have to understand that this came as a very serious internal question, if it hadn’t it wouldn’t still be with me to this day.  I said no I would not use it, that I was willing for life to be how it is, that I would not want that power.

A few hours later I arrived where I was living at the time and one of my best friends Ethan met me and told me that Mark had died.  He had crashed his motorcycle in front of where we were living and he didn’t survive. Those two things linked for me for a very long time.  His death and my not changing anything and wondering if I actually could have.  Overtime, it has deepened something in me, he has been closer to me at times, than when he was living, this I cannot explain.  However, I still would not take the power, even to bring him back physically, because in his death he has revealed that he is HERE Always.  The ring would have been the boobie prize.

All this to say, things are the way they are, you can either sit back and enjoy the ride or panic and be scared that it isn’t going to go the way you want it to, either way the ride goes on.

ON BEING A CHICKEN

I've been spending my time with my Friend Marma...she's a chicken.  I've had her since she was about a week or two old and now she is about 5 weeks.  At first she was just real snaggly, she liked to snuggle up with me and be held and make her little chirpy noises...but just in the past few days...she has really started to just "be" a chicken.  

She scratches at the ground and picks up bugs and there is an intelligence in her ... she doesn't have to think about what she is.  She doesn't pick up a book on how to be a chicken...she is a chicken...she is also intelligence and aliveness...she has brought so much joy to my days and nights.

And today I got to thinking...how is it that we don't know...that we Know how to be who we are.  Like we are always trying to fix ourselves without spending the time to just watch and see what/who we are.  Marma doesn't think to herself...oh I better peck faster today cause yesterday I didn't do enough pecking so I better make up for it today...she just pecks...she just sleeps when she is tired and eats when she is hungry.

She is not hard on herself for doing anything that she does and she doesn't praise herself for anything that she does either...she is not concerned about life or death....unless something is threatening her life...then she runs under my feet and I protect her.

You are as perfect a human as Marma is a chicken.  All your doing and fixing takes you away from who you are...who you are... takes care of itself.  Relax the grip and check it out.

ACHING

When you find yourself alone...with very few distractions around and an ache in your chest that won't seem to dissipate and you know that there is no one you can call that will make it feel any better because you have tried all those routes before and all they do is numb or  temporarily alleviate the ache...but the ache always returns and you find yourself crying but you are not sure why.  

Sometimes death will bring this ache...the death of a loved one or the death of a relationship or the loss of a job...some kind of significant even might bring about this ache.  But sometimes the ache just comes...and there is nothing outwardly bringing it about...you can play music or turn on the TV but it is still there...it makes everything seem dark and you begin to realize that you have always been this alone.  It is the times that we want to call out to someone...anyone to help us and we know there is no help from this ache...that we begin to see that we have always been this alone.

Even as a baby...when you cried out to your parents they would come and temporarily ease your discomfort...but even then you were alone in yourSelf.  If they did not come...if they were not able to answer your cry...you were alone and even when they came ... you are alone...but we go through life thinking that we are not that alone because it can be so scary...but everyone is that alone...we pretend that we aren't so that we can feel safe...but it is all make believe.

The longer you can stay with the aloneness...when it comes...the deeper you will get to know yourself...the more you will find that you are not who you think you are and that the ache that comes is calling you to Know yourSelf.  There is a saying ... many are called but few choose to listen.  The call is the pain.  The call is not to avoid the pain but to allow it to reveal to you the Gift it brings.

IN MEM..OR..I AM (IN MEMORIAM)

In mem or...i...am, In Memoriam...haven't ever looked at the word that way...but yes "I" am or in memory. 

The "I" thought can only be in the past or future...in the Present it just IS...without a story.

But this is the time of year for stories and ones of people who have touched our lives and seem to no longer be Present. Though maybe we can put some doubt on this. I'm not into ghost stories, but I am not saying there aren't any. I have experienced plenty of things that I cannot explain rationaly. However, death has revealed alot about "no death." And it keeps seeming to go deeper and deeper, so on this day of remembering those that seem not to be in our presence, here are some stories about how one remains.

The first is my Father Lauren Surget...at the time I was about 19. We had gone through some trials both litterally and figuratively and there was great healing through a dream where he was chasing me around the basement of a school and I was running and running and became too tired and sat down on a staircase and he walk up to me and I was so scared...and it took out a rose from behind his back and extended it to me and I took it and this was the beginning of the end of a long story that is now complete. Prior to the rose I had felt him around me and it scared me...after the rose I know longer felt him in a negative way and the following years were ones of truly healing our relationship.

Then there is my Mother, Sheilah Surget Poole. I was with her when her body died and to make a sort of long story short...I watched a review of our relationship together...and what was revealed was that no mater what the words or actions were through our relationship...we were always saying "I love you." Even the times that we were screaming at one another...we were actually screaming "I Love You." Then she/the story of Sheilah, dissolved into Nothing and over the years have found her in me...how does one say this...let me just continue on and see if it comes together more clearly. 

My significant other of 9 years, Mark Pullan, passed on a motorcycle accident...deep deep pain and "unlearning" came through his passing and also a beginning of a sense that he was now looking out of "my" eyes instead of his and that is the only difference between his life and mine...that he is now looking out of my eyes because I willingly (although not knowing that until just recently with another passing of a very close Friend) accept him to see every aspect of my life...that he is not blocked from seeing anything...it is not that I conciously always know he is there and I don't actually think it is like a personality...so I cannot actually explain what I am sharing here...but if you Know what I am saying then I don't have too.

It became most obvious about the unrealtity of death when I was left on the property of my Friend Wing's house...he had past from his body and I was caring for the upkeep...I was completely clueless as to how things were supposed to be done...and the more I was alone out there the more I found I wasn't...I would feel Wing through the birds and the frogs and the fish...it was as if he exuded himself through everything on his property and was able to show me without words the way to do things...it wasn't always clear how to do things but if there was patience and willingness I would begin to see how this body is used to get what is required done. 

This was the start and it continues to deepen every moment...especially now as I am working on a project in my kitchen that I have no idea how to do and when i get past the frustration I find that my hands seem to know and if I relax enough into that then there is no worry or concern for how it will all come together...and this is what the pointing towards "Nothing to Learn." There is nothing to learn...everything is already Known if one is willing to relax into not knowing. Sounds simple and it is if you don't think about it.

Recently, my Friend Bradley passed away and with the time we had spent together before his death, it was sort of like I took on a responsibilty for him...I didn't know he was going to die...but I had him close to my Heart and he was in my thoughts quite often and when I found out he had died...it seemed that at times there was an Awareness that he was looking out through my eyes...not just him...but all those that I claim responsiblity for have that.

Do I believe in life after death...not really...course I don't even know if I believe in death...so there is a willingness to be okay with anyone and everyone to see through these eyes...even though at times there are things I would rather no one see...I am willing and it has created a space in me to be kinder to myself when I do things I like or dislike about me...because I know I am seen.

There have been many years suffering from paranoia only to find that I was being watched the whole time...there just wasn't actually anything to be scared of.

So in "Memoriam"...boy if you took out an "m" it would read "me" or "I am" it just gets more and more wonderful....and simple.

The more that it seems like there is something looking out and the more attention placed on what/who is looking and not knowing what that something (which is not a thing) is...the more comfortable "I am."

On this Memorial Day, Rest in Peace.

~J.

FREESTYLE

So the eyes are closed and the fingers are just pressing on the keys and we will see what comes.  Freesytle...this is the word that showed up to write about and then I googled the word "Freestyle" and this picture was one of the first on the screen and since I grew up loving graffiti and taggers it was perfect :o)

I wasn't thinking of graffiti when I started out...I was actually just thinking that I was wondering what would come out of these fingers if I just started typing...and here we are.  It is empty inside of here right now...very quiet.  Breathing is slow and eyes are closed and tired.  I am waiting for a video to upload to youtube and have had a bit of a challenging day as I am packing and waited till the last minute to put together a Mothers' Day card and that didn't work anyway cause my printer will not connect to my laptop for some reason...very frustrating and so I dropped the card idea nad wrote a poem and video recorded it but then the recorder has this beeping sound in it and the file saved too large and I couldn't get the beep out but I did shrink the file and now it is uploading so that took a bit of patience.  And during all of that this calm/emptiness has just been here all through it...sometime there is not attention paid to what does't call attention to it.  But luckily for some reason this life time has not allowed me to sleep for long and it finds ways to constantly remind this "thought" that I think I am...to look  towards what cannot be thought.  Therein lies Peace.

It used to be that I was dependent on the peace of the world...I was always looking for quiet or searching for a space to be alone in and life did grant those things for periods of time and now noise is welcome too...because the Peace that is in me...isn't dependent on the outside world to do anything.  Everything can be as it is and Peace is there...even in the worst of moments Peace is here.

I've been meaning to get over to the suicide newsgroup.  I was on it years ago many many years ago and met some really great people over there.  Maybe I will let them know that death isn't necessary for Peace...well bodily death isn't necessary...however the death of who you think you are...is necessary for you to begin to have cracks in the thoughts...cracks big enough to Know Peace.

You're cracked enough or you wouldn't be here.

MOOOVING

Recently, I have been asked to move. I live in a remote setting and do not often see people in the physical form.

Fears have come up...all of them having to do with "I." Like "where will I go?" What if "I" cannot find a place "I" can afford? Why is this happening to "me?" Fear, protection, survival mode, will appear when the thought "I" feels threatened. Thoughts and feelings (especially ones of fear) feed off of each other.

When fear is seen as a lie (because it stems from the thought "I"), which we are beginning to see as the Ultimate and only lie <---sit with this a minute.

"I is a lie."

~Harrold the Aligator

You are becoming trained enough to know that when you hear "I/me" in the thoughts, that you are telling yourself a lie and it can always be verified with the questioning of yourself in asking "Who am I?"

So, after the fear subsides, and one finds oneself looking in the classifieds for a place and you get in your car and drive down the road...you may begin to notice that you aren't actually getting anywhere. That the world is coming towards you ... you are not going towards the world. MyTeacher gave a great example once of the screensaver you used to find on like Windows98 where the stars are coming towards you but you are just sitting and looking at the screen that has been such a Gift in seeing and experiencing beyond the intellect that one doesn't actually mooove :o)

Another good example of this is is Rumi a 1200 century mystic Sufi Poet:

“Keep walking, though there's no place to get to. Don't try to see through the distances. That's not for human beings. Move within, but don't move the way fear makes you move.”

~Rumi

(Special Thanks to Coleman Barks and the many others that have continued to bring Rumi's life to Light):

So each place I stopped at I began to get deeper and deeper hits that I am always in the same place. The faces and pictures may change...but verything is getting more familiar...not like I have been here before but that I am always Here :o) Now.

No matter where "I" move, I am always in the same Place, which is no place...I mentioned to my Friend this morning that (an this anaology has been used before but is a good enough one to repeat) we are in a car (the body) and we are sitting in the back seat and being driven all around but when we look to see who is driving there is no one there, yet the car still moves and we are just watching/Witnessing and with the realization of no driver the question comes again "Who's Driving" which can at first bring fear but not much if you realize also that just because you just found out you are not driving...it has always been this way and as such you are taken care of...you can Trust the Driver because you are proof that the Driver knows where it is going...so you relax sit back and now ask..."well if I am not driving...then Who Am I?" :o)))))

You may find yourself trying to figure it out...and if you can, remember to be kind to yourself...this is the one domain where being an idiot is the Gift and intelligence is the Block. You are not driving...that is the Good News...Relax like you would when you were a child and your parents took you somewhere in the car...you didn't worry about where you were going, or how long it took to get there, sometimes you would just doze off and wake up and find yourself at the beach or the park or the pool and you would rub your eyes and jump out of the car and play...this is how it still is now...the only difference is that you are finding out that your Parents are in the back seat with you.

Ok after all that driving around ...we again come to the place where we find out that we have not ever driven anywhere and that there is no driver and now we are finding that we have actually not ever moved and that the appearance of driving into the sunset...is actually the sunset driving into us. Wow that's something...You are what the world is moving towards.

Who I am...cannot be anywhere other than where it is and it is Still, unmoving. There is no where in the world you can go to get away from It because you and everything in the Universe...is in It (and it's not an It).

It (not it :o) is always Home and in that, whereever you find yourself...you are at Home. So each moment is just each moment...there is nothing new happening and yet everything is brand new and the more accepting of Paradox you become the easier and lighter life is...but you cannot do it...all you can do is see the Paradox and not engage with how it is. Paradoxes are not for solving they are for relaxing the minds grip on knowing anything.

Paradox is the Ultimate Gift to the mind.

~The Happy Idiot

Find more writings of this domain at:

End of The Search

One A Day Spiritual Vitmains

Nothing To Learn

Alone

There is a paradox that runs in life that assists in helping one believe that they are not alone.  The paradox is "other."  That there appears to be someone else besides you "out there."  And that is how this is kept real.  As long as there is someone out there then there is "proof" that there is someone "in here." 

However today on my walk...there was a moment of clarity that everyone is completely alone...because there is only One.  I have misidentified myself with the body and with the external world.  All things are in the Self...including the paradox of "you and I."  Which would make one believe that there are three...Self, you and I ... however...you and I are in Self (and in that there is no "you" and "I" we are the One) and Self is not a thing...not a body, not an idea...it IS greater than what can be imagined because imagination is in It.

So I sat down to write this as an imagined separate self...but it is not me writing it...because I don't know what is going to be typed.  I am just (for lack of a better description) watching this be typed...watching the typing and then watching the thoughts appear about what is being typed and yet I am not the typing or the thoughts...all things bring one back to the question "who am I?" 

I want you to be real so that I don't feel so alone.  But nothing can keep me from this aloneness because I am that alone.  MyTeacher has been saying for years "you are all alone, surrounded by all the help you need."  That is finally getting through...the fear of being alone has kept a search going to find a way to not be alone...however in being alone...Aloneness itSelf...all things come searching for me...just like I have searched and been found...you are searching to be found too and I am a lighthouse in the darkness.  I am what points all things back to itSelf.

So you are Aloneness...as am I.  You are searching and I am found. 

Coincidence/Synchronicity

Coincidence and synchroncity have played a huge role in my life, and at times have even been quite frightening, the mind/thoughts can become fearful when it can't understand how something has happened. It wants to box and categorize it and make it into something learnable.

The more comfortable I become with not understanding how and why things happen the less fearful they become.

Last night I had a dream that coincided pretty closely with the recent events in my life. I wasn't any one specific person in the dream and it was 4 characters that I was (although not me as I think of myself) sort of looking out of and on to each other...like an inside view out as each played their parts.

The characters were a husband/father (who was a bit of an uptight stressed out and a bit angry man). There was the mother (a bit flakey, scared she had cancer and liked to write in journals). A son (who was autistic). And the daughter (who was a snoop and scared to be alone).

So in this one scene they are all (except the mother) in the master bedroom, the kids are on the floor and the father is pacing back and forth and I am looking out of the son's eyes (in that moment) at the dad and the son is seeing that his dad is very frustrated almost to a rage with something the son has done and wants to scream at him and hurt him. But the son is somehow able to look out of his dad's eyes and has a great realization. The son says to the dad in his Autistic way..."Dad you know why you don't hurt me?"  "Why?" says the dad.   "Because you love yourself...if you didn't and saw yourself in me then you would destroy me, but because you love yourself you cannot hurt me because you see yourself in me."  And the Dad heard him as the boy said it and saw himself in his son and realized that he did love himself through his son.

Meanwhile, the daughter is reading her mother's journal and blurts out "mom is going to kill herself because she has cancer!" and then looks at the date and sees it is way in the past and her mom is alive and the daughter intuitively knows her mother does not have cancer and they go to find her in the Garden releasing ladybugs.

It's not exactly how the dream went cause it's been a few hours and is fading from memory. However, I woke up feeling somehow changed and a bit scared of the realizations from this dream until reading something my Teacher has written many times. "Let the world be."

Which in this case is let the mind/thoughts not understand.