THINKING ...

My Teacher used to say to me “And that’s a thought.”  When I would come to him with all these thoughts that seemed so important and it would stun me momentarily.  Sometimes I would wonder how he could say that to the important information that was going to impact my life and the lives around me and he could be so calm and although he would listen to my plight, he would eventually again point to me and say “And that’s a thought too.”  And he would smile and I would frown and stomp away wondering “what have I done wrong that I don’t see” (not seeing that that was just a thought too). 

He did this for many years, I would come to him again and again with problem after problem and in his infinite patience, he would listen or he would do whatever the moment called for which sometimes was a scolding or a praise, there was not a time, even to this day that I could predict what he would/will do, but that is another of His Great Teachings.  Many times I would go thinking I would get a praising, only to hear I had done something wrong, and then other times thinking I would get the scolding of my life, only to find him praising me for something I had done.  This over time became the blessed teaching of “not knowing.”  

Which leads to the title of today “Thinking.”  Thinking is knowing, even if you don’t know ... you think you can know by thinking.  But thinking is not real…it is not part of reality.  See these words come on the screen by the fingers not by thinking.  This is not always easy for one to see, for like I shared above, I knocked on my Teachers door with question after question and problem after problem, until one day the draw to Stillness became the Answer.  Even in moments now there is “thinking” and there is thinking that there was/is an answer and there is …but the answer is in Stillness/Silence. 

Now that can be even more infuriating to the mind that wishes to know reasons and answers for all things … to hear that they are all answered in Stillness, is to negate the “mind/thoughts.”  Again it all boils down to a frown or a smile, sometimes even a laugh or a punch in the face…depends on how serious one is in knowing answers. 

Since life is just happening and all you get to do is watch it, then living with unanswered questions is actually the gift.  To let things be as they are and watch as them appear is the gift and the answers do come, not in your time or your way, but naturally they appear.  Recently, a Friend of mine said she stays informed on my life through the writings I send her, and I wrote that I was annoyed because how do I stay informed on her life when I don’t receive any writings from her.  Then lo’ and behold, she appears on the street the very next day sharing with me what is going on in her life.  (((Smiles)))

Be willing to be surprised.  I know sometimes it doesn’t seem easy to do … especially since the thoughts usually say you know what is going to happen and it’s not going to be good.  But see how silly it is to think that you know the answer and that the answer “isn’t going to be good” wouldn’t it just be better to wait and see ... if the alternative is shitty anyway :o)

All you have to do is look at that your life has worked out perfectly this far, you are reading this right now and all is well right :o)  Even if you are thinking it is not LOL!

LIVING WITH UNANSWERED QUESTIONS...

(click image)

In a world where there is instantaneous everything, for most, living with unanswered questions can be a beginning step in the discovery of who you are.  Many may ask the question “who am I?”  And then like with all things of the world, expect an immediate answer and not only immediate, but one that is completely understood and explainable.  However, this is not the domain or way of the Truth of who you Are.  Even this writing will mislead you. 

The way of the Truth of Who you Are, is filled with twists and turns and paradox, inconsistencies and incongruent (ness), hypocrisy and ludicrousness.  It is not a straight road … except it is.  How do you tell someone you are on a road to nowhere (now here)?  You don’t, but your life being lived will reflect it and those that are paying attention will begin to see through you, that it is true. 

So next time you need an answer to anything that comes up, take a pause, don’t be so quick to find the answer.  See if you can hold out and see whether or not the answer shows up in a way you could not have predicted.  This is the fun of beginning to See.  You begin to See that everything you have ever needed shows up.  But you overlook it when you are searching for the answer, you don’t get to see all the many ways it comes … because you are looking for something specific.  When you put your search down for an answer, it allows for all possibilities to that question to arise … it’s like opening a box and then just leaving it open … not looking inside, just leaving it open, you might even begin to allow the possibility that you don’t even know what a box is … this is not becoming an idiot, it is seeing that we have labeled everything to the point that we actually don’t know what anything is, we just assume we do because it has a label…that is actually being an idiot as opposed to allowing for not knowing. 

So just for today, be the box with the open top and allow that you don’t know who or what you are, but you are interested.  And wait and see.

FEAR

What are you afraid of?

We have been trained to believe that what we “think” and “see” are real.  Not necessarily what we actually see, but what we see on TV or through the Internet.  But how often have you actually seen, what they say happens on TV…in your reality?  You can spend your whole life afraid of things that will not ever happen to you.  All that you are afraid of is a belief that it could happen to you.  But come on … take a look at your life … honestly … you’re alive right now somewhere reading this … didn’t everything work out?  Honestly, hasn’t your life worked out for you, everything has worked out and you are now in the moment you are in, with a whole day ahead of you to be surprised by what shows up.

The fear that arises from what we “think” and what we see on TV or read or hear on the Internet is not really fear.  It is fear of fear.  Real fear is when something is actually happening.  Like a car is coming at you, that is real fear and the body will more than likely jump out of the way or freeze like a deer in headlights, but that would be an actual “feeling” of fear, experience of “fear.”  But fear of fear, is when you are afraid that something may or may not happen because of something you think or something one-step removed (i.e., like TV or Internet news/talk).

One of many huge Gifts I received from reading the Autobiography of Mark Twain, is that he shows (since it was written over 100 years ago) that things do not really change.  People are still scared of the same things that happened or were thought of 100 years ago.  The newspaper stories from back then are not much different than now, there was still corruption, unemployment, murders, abuses, scandals, wars … everything that is happening now was happening then … it just looks different because the faces and names have changed.  This was/is a huge gift to see because when one is willing to see, you see that things just happen.  So, forget worrying about it, just wait and see what happens.  Let life reveal itself to you.  It always is anyway. 

If you are honest you can see that it has always worked out, why not just accept that that is the way.  It doesn’t mean that you may or may not like how it works out, but it will work out and not just for you but for everyone.  So you can turn off the TV and Internet every once in awhile and go outside and breath the fresh air, look up at the sun, check out the stars and put your feet in the ocean.  You can take a break from all the drama of the world.  It will still be there when you want it, when you want to be afraid or scare yourself, turn it back on or find that friend that always has all the bad news to give you :o)  But if you are starting to see the cracks in the stories of how bad it all is, then go out and look at the day and smile at it.  It’s all for you.

FEAR OF FEAR ...

February 18, 2013

We have been trained to believe that what we “think” and “see” are real.  Not necessarily what we actually see, but what we see on TV or through the Internet.  But how often have you actually seen, what they say happens on TV … in your reality?  You can spend your whole life afraid of things that will not ever happen to you.  All that you are afraid of is a belief that it could happen to you.  But come on … take a look at your life … honestly … you’re alive right now somewhere reading this … didn’t everything work out?  Honestly, hasn’t your life worked out for you, everything has worked out and you are now in the moment you are in, with a whole day ahead of you to be surprised by what shows up.

The fear that arises from what we “think” and what we see on TV or read or hear on the Internet is not really fear.  

It is fear of fear.

Real fear is when something is actually happening.  Like a car is coming at you, that is real fear and the body will more than likely jump out of the way or freeze like a deer in headlights, but that would be an actual “feeling” of fear, experience of “fear.”

Fear of fear, is when you are afraid that something may or may not happen because of something you “think” or from something one-step removed from your realty (i.e., like TV or Internet news/talk).

One of many huge Gifts that has been received from reading the “Autobiography of Mark Twain”, is that he shows (since it was written over 100 years ago) that things do not really change. People are still scared of the same things that happened or were thought of 100 years ago. The newspaper stories from back then are not much different than now, there was still corruption, unemployment, murders, abuses, scandals, wars … everything that is happening now … was happening then … it just looks different because the faces and names have changed. This was/is a huge gift to see … because when one is willing to see to stop and take an honest look, you begin to see that things just happen.  There isn’t actually cause and effect, but life happens and people (you) comment on it.

This is a simple practice to begin to see that the above is so, just begin to watch and see if you could do something any other way than how it is done.  At first, it will seem like you can, that you can make your hand move or your mouth speak but if you are diligent in your watching/Witnessing of life and “you” in it … you will begin to see that action happens and then it is thought about and you will see the hand raise and see the thought as well “I raised my hand” but you will begin to intuitively know that the hand raised a split second before the thought to raise it or saying it was raised actually occur.  You have to want to know this but if you do, you will soon see that you are not the one moving the hand.  When this is seen then you begin to question, “If I am not moving the hand, who is?”  Which leads to the ultimate question, if I am not who I think I am:

“Who am I?”

You will begin to start worrying about it less and watching/Witnessing it more and more.  You begin to wait and see what happens, instead of saying what will happen. Life will reveal itself to you. It always is and has anyway, you just *thought* it was the other way around.

When you are honest … you see that everything has always worked out, this will continually reveal itself to you, as each problem (seeming) arises you will begin to relax more into watching how it resolves itself and you will watch your role in it rather than believing you are the role.

It doesn’t mean that you will or will not like how it works out, but it will work out and not just for you but for everyone.

Turn off the TV and Internet every once in awhile and go outside and breath the fresh air, look up at the sun, check out the stars and put your feet in the grass, the soil or the ocean.  You can take a break from all the drama of the world. It will still be there when you want it, when you want to be afraid or scare yourself, turn it back on or find that friend that always has all the bad news to give you. :o)

However, if you are starting to see the cracks in the stories of how bad it all is, then go out and look at the day and smile at it. It’s all for you.

SILENCE

One of the things that can be rare in this world is being Silent.  It used to be more common, there were longer pauses between words in conversations and the movies of old had less words, more innuendos. 

Though I find in life that I am drawn to things that are of a quieter nature, that doesn’t mean that there is internal quiet.  Many times there is such gratitude that will arise for having designated times for Meditation.  Without Meditation there would be few stops/pauses during the day to put the attention on Silence/Stillness.  It is not that it isn’t always there, it is, however, the attention will be on what is going on in the world, school work, thoughts about everything and anything under the sun.  And then there is a stopping that comes with Meditation, things slow down and the attention is drawn towards what doesn’t move.  The things of the world, all the problems seem to fall to the side and are not important.  As one arises from Meditation, those things re-appear yet don’t have the energy or strong pull towards them that was there prior to Meditation.

Recently, things have gotten busier, especially this week.  Yesterday my neighbor offered to take me for a dirt bike ride.  We left shortly before Meditation time and when we got to the back roads it was the time that I usually sit, so I mentioned that I would not be speaking during the next half hour.  Usually it is looked at with a strange sort of “umm ok?”  Which it was and so off on the bike we went.  There is a gift in Silence that unless one checks it out, cannot be shared. 

A Red-Tailed (Chicken Hawk) Hawk flew directly over us; which was amazing and the trees were brilliant, and the smells of Spring were in the air, there was the sounds of water running from the creek and the sky was brilliantly blue.  There were moments of fear/excitement that would arise from the sense of not having control.  The bike slid on some ice and we fell and since we were going slowly, there are just bruises, but there was no ability to complain and without outward complaining, inward complaining doesn’t last long. 

We dust ourselves off and picked up the bike and sat and ate some lunch.  There was listening to the stories that were shared and watching as the food is eaten and there is a sense of ease with not speaking that is not there when one is thinking of what it is they would be saying.  It is just listening and experiencing what is actually going on.

Though the preference here is to sit Silently (to not be active during a designated Mediation time), one does not have to sit somewhere alone to be Silent, you can set aside a time, at anytime to do it.  Though I would suggest that one set aside the time to sit silently in Meditation as a way to begin quieting the mind and then move into a “walking or active” Meditation, only because the impetus to speak will be very strong in the beginning and so it is best for one to begin to sit quietly with eyes closed and allow all distractions to be there and to sit in spite of the distractions.

Many times when people are around and I am sitting for Meditation they think that they must be quiet, but that is not the case, the noise is welcome, because where the attention is … is Stillness/Silence and so all noises and activity around are welcomed in it.  If you demand that the world be a certain way for you to sit in Meditation, you will not ever sit in Meditation.  You just sit, Silently, sit and watch until the thoughts and activities exhaust themselves.

Ultimately, one will find that all of their life is in Silence/Stillness/Meditation, yet this isn’t seen while the attention is on the thoughts, actions.  So first things first…one leads into the other.

WORDS (Love)

Words and actions, words as action … words … only the meaning you give to them.  It’s been said that action is louder than words, really?  Have you ever read a book that changed your entire life?  Has someone said one word to you and your whole day change?  Recently someone just said two simple words “Empty Mind” and a whole Rap Song/Poetry appeared (the beats need work).  So words can create (seemingly) and inspire action.

Once spent some time attempting to teach people from other countries words from the English language through the dictionary.  It seemed like an impossible task.  Just about every word has more than one meaning and so attempting to explain to someone with “words” that the same word can have two (or more) different meanings made it very complicated to communicate.  This may have been the beginning of the spark that led to “no words speak the Heart.”  That actually the Heart Speak is before the words and what the words ride on and to pay attention to that.

How can one begin to see this?  Let’s take a saying that is said a lot (which is great it’s one of the best to say and truly is the only thing we are ever really saying both with words and without no matter how it appears in reality), “I love you.”

Ultimately you know, what Love is, whether you are aware of it or not, because you are IT.  However, this saying can be heard in many different ways because of the life experiences that we have and how covered over we become by those experiences. 

In this world if you say “I love you,” there usually are expectations around it, but that is not Love, that is “you love me and “I” will love you back.”  It is a game of give and take and if you don’t do what “I” want then “I” will not love you anymore.  That is not the Love that is being spoken of here.  The Love that is being spoken of, doesn’t change, doesn’t move, isn’t dependent on it’s return, it just IS.  It is willing to have the pleasure and the pain of Loving.  It knows the depths of the saying “There is Beauty in the Pain.” 

You will find that many of the greatest Artists, suffered the most tragedy (by this worlds standards) to create the Masterpieces that bring about the emotion of Love (in all its forms, which is all forms).  It is the willingness that when one loses in Love, they reap the reward of Love itSelf.

Now back to words.  Saying “I Love You” to someone is natural, we have made it into something possessive, but it is natural to Love.  Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you get to own them, it means you get to Love them.  Loving is the Gift not the person, the person is the Gift that you get to see Love through, but when you make it so that it is only that person, then you block the love that is all around you, and yet when you become aware that Love is not limited, it grows.

If you have children this is easy to see, if you have more than one even easier, when you have your first child you love them so much, there is nothing you would not do, then if you find you are having another child you may find the thoughts appear that say “How will “I” ever love another child as much as the one I already have?”, but after the child comes, you realize there is no limit to Love.  You don’t love one child more than another. 

This is how it is with everyone, not just your children, but Love grows like this with everyone.  The more willing you are to Love people, animals, life itself, the more it grows, you can Love everyone like you Love your children.  Just because one thinks something is impossible, doesn’t make it so. 

Recently took a class to learn about motorcylces and had to pick up a 700lb bike off the ground so that if it falls while being riden it can be picked up.  It seemed absolutely impossible, didn’t think there was anyway this massive bike would get picked up.  Slipped a few times and had to change shoes, then it still seemed too heavy but there was so much encouragement to do it, that it was kept on with.  Calmed down, laid back, and slowly eased the bike up with the lower back, took small steps one by one and then the bike was upright.  Had done it!  Didn’t think it could be done, but it was … next another woman made her attempt and she also said “no, no I can’t” and however since it happened for this one it was known that she could do it.  Started cheering her on … telling her what this one had done wrong the first time and to lay back relax and small steps.  She then did it too and we both shared that once we got past the thoughts that said “I” can’t” it happened.  Then we both were cheering the other women on which all of them also seemed to say “no “I” can’t first.” 

So this is how it is with Love.  You can Love, without expectation or return, you can Love when it seems there is no Love anywhere to be found and you can Love everyone, even the ones that hurt you, because you are Love.

(pic of one of the girls
 picking up the bike)

When my mother was dying, there was a moment right before she passed that there was a flash flood of all of our fighting, all of our disagreements, all of the wantings for the other to be some other way than how they are and then there was a Seeing, that we were always yelling “I Love You” even when the words out of the mouth said “hate” and all of the actions had come from Love, the fights had been “because” we loved each other so much and didn’t know how to help the other. 

How funny that … two people would fight even physically sometimes, because they Love one another so much.  But they did and they do.  That Gift that we were given before she died, left no doubt in this mind that she loved/Loves me completely. 

Everything was healed in that one instant.

Love.

Everything she had ever done in her life in regards to me and everyone else in her orbit came from Love.  And now it is known that it is this way for everyone, even though appearances make it look like it is something else.  

Love has no opposite.

This life changing event has deepened over time, it took quite a lot of years to process and now that it has, it doesn’t mean that there is still not hurt here when someone doesn’t return Love (even though they are but it doesn’t look like it) or when we are mean to each other or say things we don’t mean to hurt one another. 

Maybe now there will be a crack, where you are not so quick to do it - to lash out and hurt another, that when someone says or does something to you that causes you pain, you look at it from the eyes of Love … first and then react. 

However, don’t assume that if you act in a way that seems, unloving, that it isn’t still coming from Love, all things Serve. 

If someone treats you in what we call in this world “unlovingly,” they may just be giving you exactly what you need to experience “Love.” 

Remembering that we do not know what anything is for, while at the same time Knowing that it is all for Love, is what places the cracks in us so the Light can shine.

There are many techniques that can be used to avoid pain, there has usually been, from this one, a quick sarcastic remark or humor put in so that one doesn’t know that they have said something that hurt.  That pattern is now beginning to be seen, it is just an avoidance of the pain, so now, right now, there is pain that comes up and there doesn’t have to be a story placed upon it about something that happened in a past that no longer exists or a future that will not come.

Face the pain in this moment, which is the only moment one ever is in (check it for yourself, you can’t be out of the moment you are in, it is constant), be willing for the pain to arise, and with no story about it, sit and as you sit you begin to feel and what you feel … what the pain covers over … is Love.  Take the pain to the core of your Being and you will find the Gift that is there waiting for You.