MORE ON WORDS...

(click image for "NTL MayNewsletter" or here for a Vitamin)

You don't want to underestimate the power of words.  Last night while driving down the road listening to a CD that had been mentioned in the Newsletter there was a bit of cringing at some of the lyrics (it had taken a good 12 full listens ... over the last few months to the CD before the words weren't so harshly heard).  This after having years of training desensitizing to words ... that words have only the meaning we give to them.  That one take personal responsibility for how they hear something.  It is the one hearing it who is responsible for the reaction to the words; not the one saying it.  Like when one looks at a piece of Art, it is not the Artist responsibility to reveal to you what you see or experience, the same came up around this CD.  It would be a wise teaching for children to learn as they are being taught a language, to remember what/who they are before the words/language.  Then the possibility is there or is embedded so that they do not think words/thoughts are who they are, rather words/thoughts are something that has been taught to them so that they can communicate verbally.

Something else was revealed while listening to this CD.  Whether it is known to the artist or not, his pushing the boundaries of this mind to go past the words to hear what they are In and then to hear the words as Music and then to return to the words (meanings) to see the picture being painted is very revealing and this is what one would call Art, when something is able to do this, however one must be willing to have ears to Hear it. 

Again it came up that it is not the words themselves but the energy the words ride upon, so there was a letting go (in a sense) of the meaning (that was thought) about the words and a relaxing into the music of the words, so that the words/lyrics themselves became Music, like an instrument (not pictures drawn from past experience), just sound and it became quite beautiful, you could hear the joy and the anger and the love and sadness, without meaning.  And then compassion grew.  Compassion breeds compassion.  And compassion grew from Hearing this man's life, his experience ... the Art he reveals from how life is seen through his eyes.  That he took the time to create something, to make one smile, to make them cringe, to make them think about things that are not easy to hear, to draw a picture with words of a life that may be difficult for some to imagine, let alone live, to shed light on dark situations, just by speaking of them.  

In this world, we are only as strong as our weakest link; that is what is said.  However, there is NO weakness in what we  are LINKED IN (no it's not a social networking club :o).  The more one can begin to become Aware of what we are Linked In (for lack of a better word because link implies something that can be broken and what you are IN cannot be broken), the more you come from that Space, you will, in a sense, share it in anyway that it appears for you to do so.

So stay a bit longer when words make you feel uncomfortable.  Allow them to momentarily not mean anything at all.  

It is not words that create disharmony; it's one's belief in the words.

The longer you can stay with the un-comfortableness; the more that is revealed.

MISSING

Ever have the thought "something is missing" and then go trying to find that something that seems to not be there instead of just looking at the thought itself.

Look at the thought and keep the attention there instead of the action of searching to find.  

If you look at the picture above it sort of depicts where one is being pointed.  Under all the puzzle pieces is the one thing (which is not a thing) that all the pieces depend on to stay connected; to exist.  If you remove one piece (like you see above) there is a space there where it seemingly was … which makes it appear like it is now missing from the puzzle, however, if you look closely, you can see that the puzzle piece its self is transparent (revealing it's illusory nature).   So if it is not real, how can it ever be missing?  And even with the piece seemingly gone what it was on is still there.

"Missing" is not possible.  Nothing can be missing because everything is connected through the One it is dependent on to be connected.  

If it can be "missing" than it never actually was, it was an illusion that you had it.  As you begin to see the transparency of everything, then a lightening is revealed of life.  The attention can begin to be drawn towards what all the puzzle pieces appear on/In, and when they disappear; whether that piece is a material object you lose, or a person, or a relationship, or a job, your attention will be on what they appear and disappear In.

This is where the saying "giveth and taketh away" comes from.  It is given from the Same that it is taken from.  One moment a blessing; the next a curse.  But both blessing and curse arise only in the mind (an opinion, or thought or belief) about what one wants or doesn't want.  What those thoughts appear IN does not have blessing or curse, does not shift, alter or move and is not ever missing.  It always and forever is complete, completeness itself, of which no-thing can be lost or missing.

THE NOW MOMENT

The Now Moment is such a simple truthful phrase and often completely missed out on.  How often are you completely aware of the Moment you are In?  Take a look, what is actually going on around you?  Do you find that the thoughts that appear are telling you all the things you have to get done, that you are not doing?  Can you be some other place than where you are?  Let's look honestly.  Are you focused on what is going on around you, in front of you or is the attention on the thoughts about the past or the future?  You can only have thoughts about the past or the future because thoughts are not in the Present Moment.  Even a thought about the Present Moment, is in the past (can you see that?).  

The Present Moment cannot be thought.  To think it...is to not be Aware of it.  To become Aware of it, begin to pay attention to what you are actually doing, not what you think you should be doing.  If you should be doing it, you would be, so don't worry about what you should be doing and pay attention to what you are.

You are in the perfect Moment, Present Moment you can be in (that is why it is the Present/Gift).  If you weren't supposed to be in the moment that you find yourself in, you would be somewhere else (your life is not of your doing...but you cannot see this until you begin to pay attention).  It is not about stopping thoughts, they will still be there, it's refocusing the attention on what is happening, not what is thought about what is happening and not what is thought about what could or could not happen.  This is not something to "think" about (even though you probably will). This is something to be Aware of.  Be Aware of the Life you are In.

HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE NOT

Yesterday I watched a Nova Documentary on the next best thing and they were showing the latest in robots. It went from R2D2 and C3PO to a fully facial functioning man. If you were sitting next to him you would not know there is nobody inside. He even speaks and answers questions just like I do.

How would I know that I am not a computer robot? Who would I ask? How would I know they weren't programmed to give me the same automated response that I am giving you now.

You can't ... Eventually you will find that no outside answer will satisfy the burning question of "Who am I?". And only you can ask it of yourself and only you can sit and wait as it is revealed to you.

You do not need to be afraid it has always been this way. You are very well taken care of...a highly advanced imitation of who you Are. And you are left with the only question that ever need be asked of ones Self.

"who am I?"

Namaste.

KILLING (Is it in Me?)

The picture above...depicts what happens when killing isn't looked at straight on...that things such as this are seen by some as an acceptable way of life...that the faces aren't even seen anymore (take a moment if you will, to look into their faces).  That is you...that is me...they are us...the same thing that is in you...that animates you ... animates or did animate them...that is my head/your head.  I am not saying this to go out and save the animals or stop the people from doing it...I am saying it to take a look in myself...for you to take a look in yourself ..this is not about another...the only one that can stop killing in your world...is you.

Tonight I've been watching a documentary on the Iraq war it is called "The Ground Truth" and worth the time to watch. The soldiers speak about the time that they have served there and like many of them share that they wanted to join the military to see if they had it in them to kill...which I have wondered in myself ... Do I have the capacity to kill.

This has come up time and again in my life...I used to read as much as I could about serial killers to see what was the difference between them and me and besides the fact that I hadnt killed a human, I couldn't find any other differences that would stand out...cept something in them had snapped that hadn't in me. 

Over the last 15 years, I have been moved away from killing animals (I haven't killed anything that wasn't on the road).  However, it took along time to realize that I was still a killer because...I let others do the killing for me...such as going to the grocery store...I was an accessory to murder (having someone else kill my food for me so that I didn't have to see what I was doing).

So now that I am not eating meat (which began about 15 years ago and then I went back to doing it because it was easier than trying to go against the status quo...but it kept showing up again and again until I just couldn't eat it anymore) and the last 3 years have been a major shift in the perception of my role in the killing of animals).  From this the thought has appeared that if for some reason I find myself starving for food...would I kill to survive?  What came were two thoughts...

The first thought is "Who"  Who is the you that would kill...or simply...

                                  "Who am I?" 

The next thought that appeared  is:

                                  "Wait and see" :o)

One thing about hypothetical(s) is that you don't know...it doesn't matter what you think about yourself or what you are capable of.  Until that moment arrives, you do not know.  I do not know.  However I do know that I have the capacity to kill (or seem too).  I also know that I just found myself sobbing in front of the TV watching this documentary when the solider spoke of seeing an Iraq woman dressed in her garb and he couldn't tell if she had a weapon and she moved abruptly and he shot her and then his whole company shot at her, and they go up to her after and confirm she is dead and find that she had a white flag in her hands.   I could feel how deep his (the soldiers) pain is and could feel for her family and as I was sobbing I could feel that I was capable of the same that he is in.

We train soldiers to protect us and we train them to kill for us so that we don't have to think about killing and so we can feel like we are protected. But we are training them to be what we are trying to protect ourselves from.

What I admire the most in a soldier any soldier is their willingness to die.  To put themselves on the line for something they believe to be greater than their own life.  And I also appreciate the honesty that they come from when their ideals are changed...when they see that they have become part of the problem and not the solution.  Killing is not the solution...it only creates more killing.

Oddly enough, today I was driving to an appointment and I hit a squirrel...I looked back and he was not moving and I recognized in myself that there was not emotion attached to it.  It used to be that if there was even the possibility of hitting a squirrel happened my insides would ache.  About 6 months ago...I hit a squirrel (which is actually a rare thing I have probably only hit 4 in my life) however I hit this squirrel but it wasn't dead I could see it squirming and I was sick with it...I turned around and started driving towards it and closed my eyes as I ran it over again and was just uncontrollably sobbing.  At that moment I knew I was capable of killing...from mercy or compassion...yet it was still taking the life of another with intent to do so.  So I wondered today...how come no emotion with the squirrel today and what comes up is that it was a confirmed kill...there was nothing to grieve for and there was nothing I could do to change it so life goes on...there was no intent to kill the squirrel.

You may think well it is only a squirrel...but in my world we are all animals and someday something will squish me out of this picture whether it is an illness or an accident or a murder...something will take me out just like that squirrel was this morning...the light will go out and it will be as if I never was...which is the closest to the Truth I can speak.

  ~Joysters

FREESTYLE

So the eyes are closed and the fingers are just pressing on the keys and we will see what comes.  Freesytle...this is the word that showed up to write about and then I googled the word "Freestyle" and this picture was one of the first on the screen and since I grew up loving graffiti and taggers it was perfect :o)

I wasn't thinking of graffiti when I started out...I was actually just thinking that I was wondering what would come out of these fingers if I just started typing...and here we are.  It is empty inside of here right now...very quiet.  Breathing is slow and eyes are closed and tired.  I am waiting for a video to upload to youtube and have had a bit of a challenging day as I am packing and waited till the last minute to put together a Mothers' Day card and that didn't work anyway cause my printer will not connect to my laptop for some reason...very frustrating and so I dropped the card idea nad wrote a poem and video recorded it but then the recorder has this beeping sound in it and the file saved too large and I couldn't get the beep out but I did shrink the file and now it is uploading so that took a bit of patience.  And during all of that this calm/emptiness has just been here all through it...sometime there is not attention paid to what does't call attention to it.  But luckily for some reason this life time has not allowed me to sleep for long and it finds ways to constantly remind this "thought" that I think I am...to look  towards what cannot be thought.  Therein lies Peace.

It used to be that I was dependent on the peace of the world...I was always looking for quiet or searching for a space to be alone in and life did grant those things for periods of time and now noise is welcome too...because the Peace that is in me...isn't dependent on the outside world to do anything.  Everything can be as it is and Peace is there...even in the worst of moments Peace is here.

I've been meaning to get over to the suicide newsgroup.  I was on it years ago many many years ago and met some really great people over there.  Maybe I will let them know that death isn't necessary for Peace...well bodily death isn't necessary...however the death of who you think you are...is necessary for you to begin to have cracks in the thoughts...cracks big enough to Know Peace.

You're cracked enough or you wouldn't be here.