JEALOUSY

Wiki says:  “Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, particularly in reference to a human connection. Jealousy often consists of a combination of presenting emotions such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness and disgust.”

Recently the word "jealousy" has been appearing along with the thoughts to write something about it, so that maybe something could be seen.  In the picture above with the eggs, there is a look on the one eggs face that may imply that it is mad that the other two eggs are together, or maybe it is upset that they are resting and it is not, or that they look content and it is not.  The underlying thing of jealousy is that someone or something has what you don't and that you want it.

The quickest way to see jealousy without having to change it, is to see that there has to be a "you" to have the emotion "jealousy" without the "you" jealousy is just an emotion that is labeled.  And to take it a step further, emotions are just energy; like a wave that rises and falls (one doesn't try to change a wave, but many try to change emotions, instead of just letting them be until they subside).  

So jealousy can be great tool for watching emotions rise and fall without doing anything about them.  To just have them.  And it can be a great tool in the seeing that there is no "you" to be jealous, for when the depth of this realization comes, you will laugh that you were always and only jealous of your own self. That might be a big jump but let's look, if you find that there is no "you (no individual you)" then you begin to realize at the same time, that it is the same for everyone and that the "sameness" that animates the appearance of "you" is the "same" in everyone.  In this seeing, or just Knowing, you don't have to see it, because in the world it appears as if we are all different and separate, but that is only because the attention is on the "world" and not what the world appears "IN."  That doesn't mean that you might not still feel the emotion as real, but you will know who you are jealous of; and in That Recognition once again rest in yourSelf.

Jealousy usually appears when there is either a fear of loss, that something you have or want will go to someone else, and it also appears when one does not feel adequate enough to retain what one has.   So the goal of this writing, if there is one, is to help the reader begin to use jealousy, when it arises, as a way to bring the attention back to theirSelf, instead of projecting it outwards.  You can use any example of jealousy. I just had one the other day and it was with my own child.  We both took a motorcycle class, we both drove bikes for two days, we were tested on our riding abilities and on our studies.  He passed both tests with flying colors and rave reviews from the instructor. I on the other hand did not pass the written test and just barely passed the driving.  He was thrilled, as was I for him, and yet at the same time, the feelings arose of not being good enough, that my son was better than me, that I was not good at anything in life, that I was a failure (Now you can look at all those sentences and see that if you remove the word "I/me" then all that are there are thoughts and feelings, but with no one to place them on they would just rise and fall, but with an "I" they stay around because they have someone/something to stick too.)  The more one can begin to see the "I" thought as an illusion, the less energy and intensity emotions have.  The gift in this jealousy arising was the opportunity to once again see that it takes an "I/me" to keep it alive and without it, life just happens and moves on.  It only stays (the emotion) if it is kept fed with the "I/me" thoughts.

This might be challenging to point to, but with no separation, with no "I/me" in either the form of my son or myself, there is just one thing going on ... in seemingly two forms, one getting a license and one not getting a license but that doesn't separate Self from Self.  Just like the one writing this and you reading this are in the same Self, that doesn't change that the writer writes this and the reader reads it, even though it is only One receiver/giver, appearing as more than one, yet only one and even less than one.  It is quite challenging to point to the simplicity of "Less than One."  And one might say, well who are you pointing this out too ... if there is only one...less than one ... myself :o)

So self :o)  When jealousy arises the next time and it will cause this is the training ground for remembering who you Are.  When it arises, possibly begin to see that it takes an "I" to be jealous and so you could begin by asking "Who am I" that is jealous.  You also could look at what you are afraid of losing and why you must hold on to it so tightly, if it is trying to get away and you could offer it release from your grasp.  (Which includes beliefs about yourself ... like the example above ... the willingness to let go of the belief in the "I/me" thought, drops all the beliefs and who would want to hold on to beliefs like the ones above?)

You could also look at the "other" that you are jealous of and KNOW without understanding...that it is yourSELF in another form that is receiving it, and therefore, what would you keep from yourSelf?  This may not ease your discomfort but if you are coming from the space of WHO YOU ARE then it will, but if you are coming from the space of "who you think you are" then it can be quite challenging to see and let go.  So begin to place the attention on "who you are" by discovering who you are.  When you hear the words "I/me" begin to allow the possibility that it is a lie and all thoughts that attach to it are also lies.

OUT OF WHACK!

WHERE'S THE ATTENTION AT?

The other day, things got pretty heavy, it seemed like everything was sort of crumbling, and the thoughts were dark and heavy, and it was as if everyone was against me.  Then in the torrents of the wave, something showed up, and it came like a thought, but it wasn’t a thought, it was an obviousness that the attention was placed on the phenomenal world and not on what the world appears in.  Instantly everything changed, all the drama disappeared; it could still be seen, but not as the main thing…the main thing is the Stillness/Peace that one places the attention on in any moment, any situation, and when you forget that it is there to do that with; it will show up.

Once it does, you naturally begin to place your attention there once again.  It becomes something that you are Vigilant for.  This is the blessing of beginning to watch where the attention is at.  Is it on the Stillness that you reside in or the thoughts that appear that tell you what you reside in?  Stillness is before the thoughts, the thoughts are in IT.  So all one need to in any situation or event, is place the attention there and then come from that Space.  Then you are a bringer of Peace/Stillness to all situations you appear in.

WHO AM I, REALLY?

This question is really the topic of my Thesis Essay and I have been sitting with this question since it first appeared probably at a very young age but not in that form.  The question didn't actually appear in form until age 22 when I had left my husband at the time and was living in the apartment over his moms and I was sitting on the floor and realizing…if I am not someone’s wife, then who am I?  And then I started writing it down and could not understand, who I was.  If you took everything away that everyone and I had been saying that I am…who am I?  Who is the “I” that keeps appearing and making “me” miserable.  

Then it was said/heard that “I” am not needed…well where will “I” go.  Then a mass panic for so long of attempting to get rid of the “I” and then finally finding out that you can’t get rid of something that doesn’t exists.

That took 40 years (minus 2 for we don't have an "I" thought when we are born and until responding to it) and even still when the “I” thoughts come they can seem to have so much power, but then something Greater says “where is your attention?”  And the light bulb goes on that the attention had once again been placed on the “I” thought and not what the “I” thought appears in.

How subtle the shift and how Great the reward.  So simple and not dramatic … though all these dramatic events led to the simplicity of this.  Asking “who am I?” consistently for 20 years, not in a pattern but in a silent questioning…when there was horror or fear, when there was great love when there was passion … during all these things the question would appear…but “who are you?” and so all the attachments were slowly taken away.  All the wantings were not important like they once were.  Everything was lost.  But not the question.  One can lose everything in this world but they cannot lose the Self.  They can even lose theirself (small “s”) but they cannot lose the SELF.  You will not ever be alone because you are the Aloneness.  Looking out of the eyes is the most gentle, kindest, compassionateness.  It has no desire to make anything different.  It just SEEs and is Aware of itself…in all it’s many forms.

KARMA, GUILT, SIN AND REASONS...

If you believe in karma, guilt, sin or that everything happens for a reason, you will continually live life “thinking” that things are not good enough, that you must get better, that everyone else must get better or that you are in the process of getting better and you will not be aware that the moment you are in, right this moment, is perfect unto itself and you are the perfect you for the moment you are in.

Karma, guilt, sin and reasons are traps.  They are used so that you do not pay attention to the present moment.  If you are paying attention to the moment you are in, the one right in front of your face, then what needs to change?   Karma, guilt, sin and reasons are the “mind/thoughts” way of making you believe that you can change something; that you have something to do with the changes in your life.  However, change happens, in spite of you.  In fact, the only reason that there is the concepts of karma, guilt, sin and reasons, is because you “think” there is a “you” to fix, to get better, to make different.  However, as you begin to notice that things just naturally change, no matter what you think; then you begin to see, that the “you” you thought you were/are, doesn’t actually exist.

Just for the moment remove all ideas/concepts of karma, of guilt, or sin and reasons and just look right in front of you … there is nothing there right (smile)?  Nothing that the thoughts are telling you are there are actually there right?  Be honest, without thoughts about trying to make anything different, isn’t everything perfectly ok (don’t think about it … just look :o). 

Some people think that without a future, life will be boring … nothing to look forward too, but there is no future there is only this moment that you are in and the next moment doesn’t come; you are in the next moment right now … all you really can do is pay attention to the moment you are in.  Most don’t … most pay attention to the past that is over or the future that hasn’t come and don’t see what is right in front of the face.

Maybe just for today when thoughts appear that say things should be some other way; you refocus the attention on the moment you are in, what is right in front of you.  Watch and see what you do.  What you have been trying to “save” yourself and everyone else from through karma, guilt, sin and reasons.  Let it all go of for today and look at a world that doesn’t need your help, doesn’t need saving, or fixing; if something needs help or attention it will show up and then watch what you do. 

You have been “thinking” for so long now that you are the one doing it; while all you have been doing is watching and commenting.  But in this moment there is nothing to do, but pay attention. 

This doesn’t mean that you expect a certain day, a certain way, a certain out come, you just watch all of it.  Watch the emotions as they arise, watch the thoughts (but don’t follow them) watch as they come and they go and begin to notice that all thoughts pass, everything will pass and bring the attention back to what is in front of the face and then bring the attention onto what the face appears in.  Begin to pay attention to who is looking out of the face, not with “thoughts” about who is looking out, but actually place the attention on who is seeing out of the eyes.

As you begin to see this for yourself, you will begin to see that it is how it is for everyone. 

Most are “thinking” they are doing it, but as you begin to consistently pay attention to the moment you are in, you will begin to see that they only “think” they are doing it, but you will know that it is not true, because you have discovered for yourself that you are not doing it.  You won’t be able to explain it to anyone, but you will begin to point to what you have discovered.

You will smile more, because all the frowning came from “thinking” you were doing it.  A great relief comes in seeing that you are not.  Sometimes first there is a bit of fear because one does not know “who” is doing it, but that fear will pass as you see that it has always been this way, and you have always been well taken care of (no matter what the mind/thoughts say).

If it makes you angry to have to give up karma, guilt, sin and reason, you would be wise to look at why you want to keep them in your life.  Honestly, why you want ideas and concepts that keep one feeling/believing they are “not good enough” right now.  You are probably the same person that wonders why people kill themselves and yet give them all the ammunition for the gun.  Just for today, put the ammo down (concepts, ideas, beliefs), everyone is perfect just the way they are, no matter what you say or think, let them be who they are.  If they are to be some other way they will.  Sit back, relax and for once have no one to fix, not even yourself.  You are good enough to be here, just as you are, if you weren’t, you wouldn’t be here.

Don’t think about it!

 (((SMILE))) :o) 

or think about it.

 (((FROWN))) :o(

EMPTINESS

Recently, there was some time spent with a person that exuded emptiness.  When it was mentioned to this person, they did not seem to be aware of it and even seemed slightly intimidated by the mention of it.  Yet it was noticeably there in that moment, the person was empty of theirself, of thoughts, of noise and activity.  There was just this strong presence of Still/Emptiness.

This morning during Meditation, this Emptiness was quite apparent during the first few minutes and the thought appeared to write about it and also to see if one could point towards it.  There is a song by Dave Matthews called “The Space Between” and it showed up as a way to point.  The lyrics point towards the Stillness/Emptiness between actions, between words, between thoughts and that is what is hiding waiting for you.  When the song stops, that is the Emptiness, that moment between sound and no sound, the Emptiness is there between the thoughts, when there is a pause and the longer the pauses/stops the more awareness of the Emptiness that one is in.  Between our words is the Emptiness and yet everything appears in the Emptiness, but it is overlooked because the attention is on the thoughts, the sounds, the activities.

To be one that is Empty, is not dullness, it is not lifeless, it is absolute complete fullness, no Space that needs to be filled up with noise and activity and yet all appears in it.

Begin to place the attention on the Space between.

BEGIN TO NOTICE

(Click for Audio)

Who watches you?  You must have noticed that something, all of your life, has been aware of you.  When you were a baby it was pure Awareness.  Out of a babies eyes there is nothing but Seeing.  When the thought "I" appears, it makes it seem as if there are two "somethings" going on ... "I" and the "Awareness" that is aware of the "I."  But the "I" is not real, it is just a thought, like all thoughts that appear.  

Begin to Notice who is watching, who is Aware that the "I" thought has appeared?  Begin to put your attention on that, like a baby who does not need to know who is watching, you don't need to know or search for who is watching, just begin to put your attention on it.  

It (which is not an "it") has always been watching, so this is not something to be concerned about, it is something to place the attention on.  Begin to notice that you do not know "who" is watching, but have the willingness to begin to be willing to Know who is watching, not by understanding, by pure Awareness.

LOVE HAS NO OPPOSITE.

TRUE LOVE

True Love is very different from the love that one proclaims in this world, though the love that is proclaimed in this world is in True Love, it is not the same thing. 

In this world, what people call “love” varies from moment to moment.  If someone doesn’t do what you want, or leaves you or doesn’t behave the way you want them to, then “love” is removed and even sometimes replaced by hate (which is still Love just riding on the emotion of anger).  

Look at all the marriages that end in divorce, do you know two people that were madly in love only later to find they can barely stand the sight of the other.  It is not that they didn’t Love one another, it is that they chose the concept of “love,” which is love described by those in this world, over True Love.  True Love doesn’t mean you don’t get hurt, it doesn’t mean you stay together, it doesn’t mean anything at all … True Love just IS.  It is when you can sit alone silently and look honestly at those that have touched your life ... everyone of them and know that it is Love that brought you together and it was the ideas of what Love should “look” like that pulled one apart.

Ever find yourself saying, “well, if he would only do this or she would only do that, if everything was only different from how it is, then I would love them.”  But Love doesn’t have rules only you do.  Love doesn’t pick and choose who it Loves, only you do.  Love just IS and it has no boundaries and it has no limits.  It has been the acceptance of the concept of what “love” should look like that hides that everything; is in Love.  

You are in a constant state of Love.  But when you find that the one you say “I Love You” too, leaves or dies or something happens to that one that you have projected “love” onto (and this isn’t saying there is anything wrong with doing that, just become aware that you are) and you find that you cannot keep anything in this world, everything disappears and reappears as something else, then when that one disappears, what remains is ... Love. 

The pain you may feel at the loss; is also Love.  Sorrow is Love.  Happiness is Love.  Joy is Love.  Anger is Love.  See we only want (usually) the Happiness or the Joy and Excitement of Love, but also the Sorrow, the Pain, the Depression of Love is just as important because all show the depths of Love.  So when the one you love comes ... you experience the bliss of Happiness, Joy and Loving and when they go; you experience Pain, the Sadness, the Sorrow of the same. 

As you begin to see this as a truth, then you can begin to put your attention on what the concept “love” appears IN … TRUE LOVE.  It is not outside of you, you are IN IT. 

If Love is the True State (which it is … without opposite) then it does not come and go, it is always there. 

The way to begin to see this is to think of your child, if you have one, or someone that you love unconditionally.  If you love them unconditionally, there is nothing they could do in this world to change that.  So now you need to begin to look at “is there anything they could do in this world to change that?”   If they could, then it is not Love. 

True Love does not change because of actions or anything in this world.  The closer you get to unconditional love the closer you get to Knowing True Love.  And unconditional love begins to grow as you allow it to grow in you. 

It also spreads compassion.

Not everyone will see things the way you do, but you have the space in you for all things to be. Let it spread out from your immediate family to everyone that comes in your orbit. 

It doesn’t mean you have to do anything any other way than you always have, it just allows the space for people to be as they are.  You will begin to stop wanting to change them, because you know that you love them in spite of how they are.  It doesn’t mean you won’t act the same way you always have around them, but something in you will begin to pay attention to what everything appears IN, which is LOVE.

LOVE HAS NO OPPOSITE.